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Monday, September 27, 2010
i want to be your no.1 i want to be the 1st person who comes to your mind when you feel sad or troubled even happy i want to be the one whom you'll love ever so deeply. and the amount of pressure that i have, that i face when i realized that " i cant be as good that i wanted to be or that i'd thought myself to be." i finally understood how exactly this particular kind of pain feels like. it happens when girls give their all, they lose control of themselves. because when you love you give your all. i can't help but to feel so weak each time i crumble and cry at the slightest thing. maybe i'm weak. 12:12 AM
Friday, September 24, 2010
Sometimes i ask myself if i'm putting too much priority in you, thus i expect you to treat me as of the same importance and attitude. other times i ask myself if i'm expecting too much from you as a girlfriend.. i know very well that i'm giving my all in this and i can feel it from the way i deal with things till the way i usually pick my words and how the sentence that comes out of my mouth sounds. if it's a little too harsh or too straightforward and if i noticed i'll immediately change or rephrase my words because i know words can kill the mood very easily. especially when you're with someone special. why do things often take a change when we get what we wanted or a liking for? is it because we feel that we're in control thus all those small little gratitude don't seem to matter anymore? or do we feel that the familiarity between each other is too much to bear thus we do away with those careful, respectful phrasing of words, since we're so used to each other we can talk whatever that comes to our mind? note that there's a thin line between straightforward-ness and respectful - i guess it lies in the attitude. i know i lost a fairly large amount of myself ever since day 1 and i know that it's not a very good thing nor can i be boastful about it. i feel like i've lost my sense of individuality sometimes in wanting too much to be be accepted by the other and "fitting" into his world be it musical sense or other aspects. but i know that it's wrong. because i don't believe in couple merging as one, one should have their own individuality to be special in the relationship for the long run. and sometimes when i talk about all these topics i can't help but to think if you had ever care about such stuffs, will you even bother to think deeply about it? will you? when a problem arises i'm sorry to say but i feel guys should take some responsibility and create a solution(by ASKing if you've upset her by blah blah) rather than asking "what's wrong? " and expect a answer from the ladies. seriously guys buck up. ps: click on it.. some food for thought. http://www.thedailymind.com/how-to/how-to-become-a-better-husband-boyfriend-or-life-partner/ 8:45 PM
Saturday, September 18, 2010
Yesterday was the happiest day of my life in 2010. basically it is because of my beloved best friend ahrong and sayang momo - they planned a surprise on my birthday for me. though i'd my suspicion turned on when my big day was getting nearer but in my mind there were so many different kinds of scenario and possibility, i dont know which was which. so in the end ahrong decided to accompany me to go and watch STEP UP3- 3D since momo said that he couldn't make it. and so off they went these 2 stupid girls to watch the movie. now why did i say stupid, actually to my beloved best friend ahrong if at any point you're reading this i would like to tell you that... on the 17th September 2010 we watched STEP UP3 not STEP UP3 IN 3D. and i only realized that we watched it in 2D till this afternoon when i checked with my dance friends. this was how it went... jasmine/samantha: HEY HAVE U WATCHED STEP UP3 IN 3D?!! IT WAS AMAZING! me: YAA!! i watched that show with my friends yesterday!! not bad! jasmine/samantha: omggg i loved the 3d effects man!!! especially he water scene, you can see the water droplets splashing out from the movie screen!!! me: ..... * hesitates for a while* umm the water effect during the battle.. err do we need to wear the 3d specs during the show?? jasmine: err ya? of course u need to wear if not where's the effect? me: *sulks and depressed* really you're not bluffing me? jasmine: noo! why?? me: cause i watched it yesterday and i told the person we wanted 3D and they didnt give me the specs at the counter. so i thought they might give us when we enter it was always like that usually.. but nobody gave us the specs when we entered so i thought we were watching the latest edition of 3D thus we dont need any 3d specs to go along with... ... .. i shan't mention their reaction after that i was being laughed at and i found it ridiculous please because I REALLY THOUGHT I WAS WATCHING THE LATEST VERSION OF 3D WITHOUT HAVING TO WEAR THAT GOD DAMNED SPECS LA!!!!!!!!! AND I KEPT WAITING IN THE CINEMA FOR THOSE SPECIAL 3D EFFECTS. WTH IS WRONG WITH CATHAY!!!!! and halfway through the show i felt somebody rushing over to sit beside me and frankly speaking i was rudely disturbed and stared at the person beside me because it was so dark i couldnt see the person's face properly. and trust me i wanted to scold the person because from the way he just jumped to the seat beside me i thought he was trying to be funny. and only 10 seconds later then could i make out his face. it was momo. HAHAHAHAHAHH!! :D and he was panting because he ran over scared that he might be too late. awww how sweet right? *loves loves* and anyway i've yet to finish my story.. after which we went to eat! at swensens me and best friend ate salad while momo ate hotdog bun hahaha so healthy right! i like! :) and we cam whored but pictures are with ahrong so ahrong u know what to do when you read this ar * hints hints* after which my best friend disappeared into thin air because she wanted us to spend some time along. my best friend is my latest soul mate and i love her for that. after which we went to awfully chocolate and brought the chocolate cake, but it wasnt the one that i wanted i wanted the chocolate CUPCAKE! it looked so nice but nevermind i'll get it next time round! we sat down ate chocolate cake chitchat camwhored abit and went home sweet home! :D ps: Just want to say a bigbig THANKYOU to ahrong for planning this special day for me and also doing the presentation and baking the delicious cookies for me! :) and as for momo: THANKYOU for spending your time to plan the surprise with ahrong since know you don't really like to and also for the lovely present! muackz muackz. :) i love both of you to death. :D 9:44 PM
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Will you promise to be patience with me? because you should know me better really, that is all i need. 11:29 PM
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
I thought my menses had long already gone, so what's this the after effect? WHY is it that girls never ever forget what the "special someone" tells them or promise them, they always hold the words close to their heart even when they're on the verge of falling asleep the voice keeps ringing in their head. WHY do girls find it so hard to accept or treat things lightly when the special someone behaves "unexpectedly"? WHY do girls act brave/nonchalant when infact they feel hurt deep inside? WHY do girls want to constantly feel loved and cherished and respected by the special someone? WHY can't things be simpler? WHY can't matters be understood before making a mistake which is important to one and minor stuff to another? WHY can't guys be a little more sensitive when they know girls are such sensitive creatures? WHY do things seems different once familiarity breeds in daily routine? WHY and more whys. i can't possibility list all of them down it'll take forever. i just want to know why. 8:54 PM
Monday, September 13, 2010
HELLOOOOOOOOOOOO. okay it's been so long since my last post here and yes i'm here to update a little about what the hell has been going on in my life for the past 10 over days. PMS came i ate and ate like a pregnant woman but it didn't came, and finally when it came i swore to god that this is the worst period i've ever come across in my life. i get very bitchy and my moodswings faster than a F1 racer car. say the wrong word or provoke me at the wrong time and i'm sorry the volcano erupts. in. your. face. i dont deny the fact that i can be very mean and crazed not to mention cranky when im PMSing but guys seriously it's way beyond our control. :( but i do realize recently for the past few nights i've that same recurring dream that "traps" me within making me unable to wake up to reality. it really disturbs me a whole lot and i'm very bothered about it once i manage to wake or "jolt" myself up from the dream. because it feels so real but i can't control my body i feel paralyzed from head to toe, sorry wrong usage of words i dont feel i AM paralyzed from head to toe. and the harder i try to wake up and free myself the more desperate i feel. and because of this i've not been sleeping properly because i'm afraid of being "trapped" again, i'm afraid of falling into deep sleep. :'( ps: i hope this goes away soon. mommy says it's because of over stress. i really need some deep slumber sleep without the "evil nightmarish" process in my dream please. Amen. 11:36 PM
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
When i feel sad, i stop being sad and become AWESOME. worrying is a very sickening habit of mine. and i believe for yours too, for most of us at least. we human often worry about the future about things that we're uncertain of, about things that will go out of control. we worry about the things that we've no power to control and because of that we fear what is installed for us. we're afraid of us not being able to handle and accept whatever "endings" that might be happening to our current problems. and honestly speaking it completely drains that energy out of me. the secret of happiness is nothing but living in the present. physically we live in the present moment. our hearts beat steadily without any effort on our part. our bodies function to keep us alive from moment to moment. however, our minds aren’t always in sync with the here and now. they tend to wander off into the future or back to the past, forfeiting the experience of the present. The present is the only time we have to enjoy. it’s the only place happiness exists. we have no control over time. we can’t speed it up or slow it down. we can only live it fully now. right now is the time to be happy. being a slave of his past or clinging to hopes of a better tomorrow only can make man more miserable, because he is neither available in the past nor can we find him in the future. he simply destroys the very opportunity to experience the best gift that life gives him – THE PRESENT :) 4:34 PM
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