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Tuesday, July 28, 2009
i've decided. activities on this blog will be freezed for the moment. yeah im putting my blog on hiatus. i scanned through my previous posts and i realized they're filled with shit. and i mean those parts which i get emotional and all. to those who usually follow up to my posts, i bet you're gettin' quite sick and tired of it ya? yup. no worries me too, im really sick and tired of me being so fucking myself at this very moment. trust me i hate to see myself behaving like a pathetic freak. i realized that sometimes the more i blog the more i start thinking about the past and the deeper i go the more depressed i get. sorry if im always getting oh so forever emotional for the past few weeks and especially within this week. complications have happened recently, issues which i thought i could handle initially are starting to impact me quite abit with the recent add-ons. guess i just need some time to sort things out for the moment, hopefully i can get my life back on track fast. don't worry i'll be back soon. miss you guys. im struggling badly, so please, stop getting intertwined with my life. im tired. i really am. i dont want to have anything that has fucking got to do with you. anymore. 8:58 PM
Monday, July 27, 2009
27/7/09 hiphop3 was sick. lots of emphasis on accenting on the moves and we had to groove while accenting? its tough, really. the choreo required lots of inner thigh strength which i'm lacking ever since the last time i went for reggae classes( 75% of the time we're half squatting ). reggae techniques must be used to gain back my muscles. super tired my legs will be sore and crampy when daybreak hits tomorrow. microbiology was quite dead today, didnt have much mood to do my team was quite dead too maybe its monday blues. guess what this isnt the worst, i chanced upon some pictures which i really wished i didnt saw. i was rudely shocked and felt offended because i felt as if i was being "used". really. call me unreasonable or whatever you like because i don't give a damn anymore. have you ever spared a thought for me? you knew i was quite available for you, all those times we went out, it wasn't really that significant to you was it? seeing those pictures with you smiling so radiantly with some other girl, it almost killed me. for a moment i thought i almost cried, but i stopped myself because my ego didnt allow me to do so. especially because it was you. the way you're living now is as if i didnt appear in your life before. it hurts it really does, i didnt know it wil be this much of a pain. but don't worry i won't die without having you in my life. oh by the way this didnt managed to kill me, i still survived. you know what this means don't you. 11:05 PM
Sunday, July 26, 2009
26/7/09, sunday finally i get a chance to get to go to my beloved uncle's house. dinner spelled deelicious THANKYOU popo( refering ta my cute old aunty/nanny) for the wonderful meal!! :) i ate quite bit sigh looks like my morning's 4 rounds of run at cck park is futile. maybe i'll consider spending a part of my holidays over at clementi. though its not very exciting cause there's nothing much i can do other than surfing net zzzzz but its really peaceful there and i can once again relive my childhood memories incase you're wondering my nanny/aunty was the one who took care of me since i was a baby until i hit primary school.. so yeah. so you did left in the end. was it because you felt that the sparks were gone? actually to be honest i felt that too, maybe i even discovered it earlier than you did. they told me " it seems to be fading, something's wrong " but i ignored the signs because i thought we could be. so stubbornly i hanged-on. guessed i ignored them for too long. maybe self denial is to be blamed afterall. 9:13 PM
Saturday, July 25, 2009
25/7/09, saturday jogged with sam in the evening today, sun was scorching hot as usual we'd 6 rounds but at slow pace we should work harder next time round ok sammie!! and if you're reading this no more choco for you!! they are EVIL for us!! hahah! alrighty today was utterly miserably boring for me. i thought i could go wild after all my exams but i stayed at home and did my PP instead. such a good girl i am. right?? :D me only managed to hit 1000+ words and i'm left with SWOT analysis and conclusion damnn. i need to crap more so i cant hit at least 2500 words. oh yes i have yet to do my music theory i'm suppose to do it within this weekend if not given my super short-termed memory i would return all the things miss ho had taught me when monday hits. m currently looking at cinderella video's at youtube, it's one of my favourite disney videos when i was small & i used to watch it over and over gain. >>> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tjIssqHQJ6o it certainly brings back good old nostalgic memories & the video somehow stirred up deep emotions. sometimes i really wished i was a child again no worries no stress no expectations or whatsoever. and im very sure it wouldnt be as complicated as it is right now. " no matter how your heart is grieving, if you keep on believing, the dream that you wish will come true. " - Cinderella. 10:23 PM
Thursday, July 23, 2009
23/7/09, thursday  Zulthis was exactly what i saw this morning when i came into the class. i guessed as much this guy didnt sleep a wink yesterday night. powwderful right? today chemistry was alright there was god(nicky) around thus our lives were saved. i was braindead and didnt have much mood + i was extremely tired. UT sucked a big time. god damned 4.6 UT version was fucked. it couldnt work and i'd to use thumbdrive from faci to download utq file. seriously RP needs to get better people creating IT programmes man, people with a sense of RESPONSIBILITY that is. class was chaotic as the latest version of UT had complications & couldnt work. 2 to 3 thumbdrives was being passed around and people were getting frenzy and paranoid. so i would like to say that IF rp's IT department is not able to confirm that where will be no complications for the latest ut client then DON'T fucking ask we students to go download the latest version for heaven's sake. those who can't access to the programme needs to do the whole freaking test on paper and can't refer to 6p(notes ), and mind you we're talking about Anatomy & Physiology. not microbiology or some other shit. this is seriously retarded. as and when it still comes back to haunt me. deep inside me i still question why. 8:28 PM
Monday, July 20, 2009
20/7/09 UT was _________ fill in the blanks yourself. i dont want to give a damn cause it's o-v-e-r. at this very moment there's lots of thoughts are running through my mind, no worries im not emo. just that i need sometime to process, digest and rearrange my schedule i realized my life is quite unorganized at the moment. okay, lets take peek at the things i NEED to complete. 1) i need to do digest my stupid music history from tomorrow onwards. i have to eat up the whole damn thing in order for me to wite my music essay. damnn! 2) i have 11 sets of music theory to complete before mid september. which is in 2 months time. my theory exam's in october i think. AHHH!! 3) im still lacking of 20 CE points despite me religiously going for CE talks. omfg. i need to complete them before sem 2 starts. period. 4) i need to pushon with exercise plan with sammie till 13th august. then will it be offcially 1 month. and 13 august - 13 september will be the day we celebrate!! :) 5) i need to complete my PP report by late august if possible cause my advisor loves rejecting MY work. ( zul and i have e same advisor but she cleared him at 2nd attempt mine was rejected 5 times see what i mean?) so i need to give her 1 month period to reject until she's happy. 6) i need to start thinking positive and stop worrying for the sake of worrying. i need to change this very bad habit of mine. really. 7) .... to be continued. made up my mind. i take back all those words which i said previously. i shouldnt get bitter and resentful because of you. its not very fair to you isnt it? i would like to thank you for everything you did instead. i learnt alot. really. somehow i finally got enlightened. i realized your actions gave rise to a new me and my mentality. that's what i'd just discovered today. so. it's just not going to be the same anymore. 9:12 PM
Sunday, July 19, 2009
19/7/09, sunday current mood: stony. didnt really sleep well last night again. my god is this turning into a habit or something. anyway, went for a jog alone earlier this morning as sam's sick. get well soon dear!! i think when im running alone i seemed to run at a faster pace. dont ask why cause i don't know. went for 6 rounds instead of the usual 8 that's waay ages ago. sigh my stamina dropped i need to train moree. i did my revision on microbiology briefly as i didnt really mug as hard as i did for chemistry and biochemistry. microbio was the easiest among the UTs so i hope it wont be too diffcult tomorrow!! my eyelids are quite heavy now, was guitaring 5 minutes ago was trying to ask zul to explain to me the cords and fingerings. one thing, i HATE pressing broad chords like Fmajor and Bmajor they totally make no sense to me at all. WHO on earth is able to stretch till that kind of extend you tell me. piano dont torture my fingers as much as guitar do but i prefer composing tunes from a guitar for now. they sound much more better. :)  Baker beach at twilight.if possible, i wish to capture the most extraordinary moment during twilight. and big girls don't cry. right?
9:28 PM
Saturday, July 18, 2009
18/7/2009, saturday. Tell me what happened this time Made you come back again I find out only see you when luck deserts you If this is your idea of happiness Then let's be clear Those words of yours ain't working anymore Cause I'm always giving Here waiting while you're living I need a new beginning Oh, I'm not the girl I used to be with you You think maybe that I'm just so easy You can come in and out my life like you please But baby no Don't you know it takes more To keep a girl like me No more waiting for you to change Don't you know that you bringing flowers Won't stop the rain baby no, no Don't you know it takes more You're the only one not worth waiting for I know you're busy so if you gotta go Then go but don't forget to leave my heart I stayed around for you but You're no where to be found now Once again here you are Cause I'm always giving Here waiting while you're living I need a new beginning Oh, I'm not the girl I used to be with you You think maybe that I'm just so easy You can come in and out my life like you please But baby no Don't you know it takes more To keep a girl like me No more waiting for you to change Don't you know that you bringing flowers Won't stop the rain baby no-no Don't you know it takes more You're the only one not worth waiting for I've settled for less When I stayed with you but no more Cause you aint worth waiting for, You think maybe that I'm just so easy You can come in and out my life like you please But baby no Don't you know it takes more To keep a girl like me. by jordin sparks - it takes more. not going to be that foolish ever again. 6:49 PM
Friday, July 17, 2009
17/7/09 i got a B!!! for my anatomy and physiology UT. woohoo!! am extremely happy about it for 2 main reason. 1st) its my very first B among my terrible UT grading. 2) i thought i pretty much screwed up anp ut because i did freaking lots of careless mistakes. i was expecting a C. but anyway after looing at the B i felt quite disappointed after looking at my marks 9.5 outta 30. WTH! im aiming for higher gradings for the next UT. *grins * JYJY to me!! :) i suck at chem and biochem not to mention their UT. if i ever get A for those 2 modules, pig will sing while they fly in the air during bright daylight. oh yeah tomrow im heading for morning jog with sammie-san. lol. 8 rounds woohoo. blinding sunrays, crunches and excessive sweating here i come! finally had a chance to stop and take a step back to look at the bigger picture. things seems clearer now and looks like ive been deluding myself all these while. if whatever that's happening currently continue to stay the way it is. all these while, i felt as if im on a rollercoaster ride 24/7, i smiled when i receive texts from you and once you didnt within those few days i start to become restless and start to think alot not to mention becoming emotional and started dating extreme-moodswing permanently. i felt like shit deep inside, loss of sleep over thinking about the situation between us and what's not. at last all these nonsense which has been dragging for past the few months finally ended. looking back i think i wasted alot of my precious time and braincell thinking about what i now deemed as crap. please don't blame me for being ruthless. don't even think about it. i think i've already been very extremely kind in tolerating all your stupid fucking bullshit. and now upon realization i hate myself for being needy all along because of you. i really do. maybe i'm partly at fault. but then again i still think you're the one who created all these never ending misery for me. last but not least i just want to say. Screw you. 10:33 PM
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
15/7/09 2.4km today with sammie for a kickstart. 6 laps at stadium + 1 round to cool down. I think we'll need to hit 8 laps this saturday if not i doubt there'll be much effect right sam? :) before that i was mugging until i saw stars, yes stars appearing in da afternoon. big chunks of biochemisty information was trying to get processed inside my brain, the amount of information that needs to be digested before i can picture the whole biochemistry process seems to be getting more complicated then i read on further and it seemed never ending. stared at the screen and hesitated. and she pressed. " delete all ". 8:19 PM
Sunday, July 12, 2009
12/7/09 time now is 7.03 im going to take a break after im done with this post. alright lets see, i did revision today was a little cranky in the afternoon because i'd trouble understanding the practice questions answers and yeah i was on the verge of pulling all my hair out. just imagine how bad it was. actually i was quite grateful that i had severe stomach-ache last night after i end my revision around 1.30am. felt quite tired after all those reading and processing of information but then i got kinda emotional again when 1 of my classmates brought up the subject which i try to avoid if i needed peace. and before i could even stop myself, moodswing'd long already diffused himself inside my blood. you know what happens next dont you? honesty i so feel like screaming WHAT-THE-HELL!!! so loudly until i scare the shit of of my neighbour's pants. ok i sound evil. thankfully stomach-ache came to the rescue by torturing me with extreme sharp pain in my abdoment, it was a pulling intense pain kind of feel. i thought it was food poisoning but was too in pain to be bothered. i rolled and curled up in my bed just like a earthworm who seems to be on the verge of dying... and finally i dozed off. the end. 7:02 PM
Saturday, July 11, 2009
11/7/09 Have been behaving like a zombie, reaction-less-emptyshelled being for the past few days if you know what i mean. Extreme-moodswing and i have gone quite steady nowadays and we can get quite nasty if im not careful. anyway im headout later on. YES. HEADING OUT together with sam despite having chemistry UT on monday. i mugged from like 11 plus till now which's like 5 hours or so? oh its non stop by the way. i desperately need a break. my brain showed signs of rejection of chemistry information ever since 15 mins ago and i feel very extremely bolated from all the non stop munching while trying to get stupid chemistry inside my head. i sure hope most of them gets retained inside maybe i'll mug again when i come back. i have 3 more freaking problems left. mostly are molar calculations and i fucking HATE calculations. it felt so surreal. now its gone. 360 degree roller-coaster ride with me, anyone? 4:24 PM
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
8/7/09 i composed a song today which made yurong cry. felt quite bad about it cause i didnt meant to purposely remind her of the past. honesty i didnt sleep well yesterday night, kept thinking bout the same matter, i feel very vexed inside me and am at a lost at what to do. so i went to my piano and tried to practice to keep my mind busy, and before i know it my fingers started creating scenes inside my mind and releasing the raw, pent-up emotions which could only be felt through the white and black keys. i guess the element of sadness in the song was too strong for anyone who feels emotional to handle. the song have yet to be finished maybe i will upload to facebook once im done. actually deep within me i think i already know the answer, i just need sometime to face up to the fact. give me some time, i think i'll manage it. somehow. somehow my 6th sense tells me this is not very good. 10:57 PM
Sunday, July 5, 2009
5/7/09 WOOHOO! NEW BLOGSKIN!! i spent like 30 mins getting this whole skin screwed nicely. i suck & hate codings its a miracle that you're staring at whole new different page. how? nice right? i like the sweet color too! :) Anyway, watched ghost of girlfriend's past yesterday with mark, wasnt too bad i think? it made me kinda teary at the ending but not touching enough to make me weep. LOL! after which we went manhattan to dine their dory rish was quite fresh but as for the butter rice with garlic it was abit too oily for me. didnt managed to finish the whole course, same goes for mark his fried fish N chips was too oily what'smore the amount of fish's batter made it even impossible to finish the whole thing. tsktsk * shakes head * we're being SINFUL. then we took pictures while waiting for our meals, to be honest t'was quite embarassing because the australian couple next to us was staring at us while we cam-whored moreover i was the one holding the camera. afterwhich we walked around window shopped, i was tired because i'd insomia the day before thus after the digestion walk we went straight home. end of story. The End. peektures cant be uploaded damn it. but i guess its ok cause its already in my fb's photos. much as i like to hangon till a bit later. to see if there's still chances of us reaching there together. what i felt at our latest gather, was something that once was not there.. the feeling of unfamiliarness & the slience in bewteen us impacted me quite abit, it made me rethink over everyting in perspective once again. so many question flooding through my mind, are all these doubts going to be left behind? its hard for me to control my thoughts, maybe all of these its all my fault. brainwashing myself that everything is just as a friend at this very moment, seriously its something that i find it hard to withstand. then again, who's to be blame? you for creating the perplexing and ever so ambiguous relationship between us, or me overreading into things, harbouring hope of a misunderstood relation gone too far? im at a loss. seriously. 4:32 PM
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
i just cooked korean rice cake and it was deelicious!! :D im feeling ultra full now. maybe will go for a run tomrow after school. RP has 77 cases already and guess what? it's STILL NOT shutting down. how great isnt it? what should i say hmmm, let us all pray hard that each and everyone of us catches the goddamn virus? i wont be suprised if i really contact H1N1, all thanks to the brilliant staffs of RP. give them a round of applause please. can't wait for this saturday!! i want to watch ghost of girlfriend's past!! woohoo!! :) i'll see how it goes then. 8:46 PM
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