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Monday, August 30, 2010
How to fight fair i chanced on this article on how to fight fairly in a relationship and i think it's rather useful. because more often than not we tend to get too carried away when our emotions run high in the midst of a heated argument. they say that how you argue and the way you end a argument can determine the long term success or a failure of a relationship. "Disagreements are going to occur," says Dr. Phil. " The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control ? You'll never win if you do that. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It's not a competition, it's a partnership." Here are Dr. Phil's specific rules for fighting fair: Don't bring up old grudges or sore points when they don't belong in a particular argument. Put boundaries around the subject matter so that a fight doesn't deteriorate into a free-for-all. Deal with the issue at hand, not with a symptom of the problem. Get real about what is bothering you, or you will come away from the exchange even more frustrated. Stay focused on the issue, rather than deteriorating to the point of attacking your partner personally. Don't let the fight degenerate into name-calling. Know what you want going into the disagreement. If you don't have a goal in mind, you won't know when you've achieved it. How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when an olive branch is being extended to you — perhaps in the form of an apology or a joke — and give your partner a face-saving way out of the disagreement. Every single thing you disagree about is not an earth-shattering event or issue. You do NOT have to get mad every time you have a right to be. Arguments should be temporary, so don't let them get out of hand. Don't allow the ugliness of an argument to stretch on indefinitely. i too also talked to 1 of my very best friends(yurong) on this particular issue and i think i'm truly blessed to have her to be there to analyze and tell me what she thinks of me in a neutral 3rd party's opinion - because that's the fairest way to do so. after all these while, finally i'm able to pinpoint the " lurking shadow" in my personality with the help of the article and her. thank you my dearest ahrong :) and it's high time i do something about it before it get's way out of control. i think after reading the article i'm guilty on some aspects :( from now on in order not to jeopardize the relationship i'll try my best to change some of the nasty streak in me when i turn green(mad) lesson no. #1: even if im right or i feel that i'm right in the argument, i will not be/feel overly righteous about it and try to stand in both party view to be fair. if not it will become a case of " I WIN" and "you lose" kind of competition. - there is no prize in winning a argument. lesson no. #2: the main focus of a argument is not really on who is wrong or who is right. though it plays a rather important part to let the "guilty" party apologize. but rather, reaching a agreeable solution to make sure the problem/mistake DOES NOT happen again is the ultimate priority. lesson no.#3 : show appreciation in all aspects, say the 2 magic words -Thank you. 2 little small words goes a long long way. be ready to recognize each others weaknesses and learn to appreciate what the other has to offer. :) Ps: to my dearest SB, i'm really genuinely sorry if i'd accidentally hurt you in the past with my behaviour. or make it seems like it's always you in the wrong. i'm really sorry and i'll do my best to be a better girlfriend. I ♥ you. 8:47 PM
Sunday, August 29, 2010
Tell me, am i suffocating you? 7:08 PM
Saturday, August 28, 2010
We could sit next to each other and watch the night sky We had so many plans together in the name of time We made promises to each other do you still remember them? Can you feel my heart beating can you feel it’s still the same? Don’t hold empty promises if you can’t fulfill them Don’t say I’m sorry if you’re going to repeat the same mistake again Don't say I'm sorry just to get through the easy way
Why do I feel that things are not like before,
things were different in a better way before I was yours. The attention and enthusiasm fluctuates with time Gone are the days when you’re still excited waiting to receive my message Bringing along the death of the enthusiasm to text back just in time Pain hits me each time I think back of the past, We used to be more attached to each other, so now why can’t we be the same? Has time diminished the chemistry between us? can all these still be salvaged?
Disappointment snowballs each time small promises are not fulfilled All these small matters is the core of importance to me no doubt that i love you, but do you really love me as much as i do?
Ps: that is what i deeply feel but bear in mind that it is not what i'd like to be feeling.
9:32 PM
Friday, August 27, 2010
was i in the wrong? am i behaving unreasonably? did my expectation for you to at least send me a text saying that you'll be really busy for today made me feel that i've waited a tinybit too long? maybe the anticipation i had from the start killed the mood when i finally received something from you. the clock is ticking away, i glance and check my cellphone for every 15 minutes. if i ever slient my phone im extra cautious to make sure if i do get a vibration, i dont want to miss a single text from you. if its in general mode i'll secretly harbour that muse song will be played indicating that i've a text message. and each time i hear my cell's ringtone and vibration i get jumpy and excited but i contain the excitement within me because i know not everyone understands what i'm feeling. so dearest do you think you're able to understand what i'm going through? 9:50 PM
Thursday, August 26, 2010
it keeps coming back to haunt me. just like a broken recorder it keeps replaying. take a step back control yourself and observe you say, but it's not easy. i don't like what i'm feeling now. so get the fuck out out of me soon. i'm asphyxiated. 11:54 PM
Friday, August 20, 2010
"Knowing a person is like music. What attracts us to them is their melody, and as we get to know who they are, we learn their lyrics."11:11 PM
Thursday, August 19, 2010
11:35 PM
Monday, August 16, 2010
" it is only when you don't care so much, you feel that everything is working. maybe when there isn't any expectation or hope, you'll be able to see those tiny changes. " - Doris. 11:17 PM
Saturday, August 14, 2010
i actually feel kinda suffocated for the past few days. just that i try not to let it be too obvious. you know the kind of feeling when you're robbed off the sense of security which is something that you really need? it is like preventing a mother being able to come in contact with a toddler when he's crying or sad. i know you still love me but the main point is that it is whenever we hug each other tight i feel that i'm loved and protected by you, it makes me feel secured in some sense. so tell me how am i suppose to be able to feel loved by you and that you're still concern about me when we're unable to get too close with each other. don't be mistaken im not blaming anyone anything or anybody, it's just my inner most feeling that i've to let go. this is what i mean by guys use their brain to think while girls use their heart to think. i miss you AND i want to talk to you but short and few messages that can be counted less than 5 fingers make it seems ungenuine and can't really be bothered. so tell me dearest, how am i suppose to want to carry on the conversation with you when it seems like i'm the only one getting enthusiastic chatting with you? things goes back to normal for a short while after there's voicing or reminding of certain issues, but they never seems to be able to maintain. more often than not they tend to return to square one. words/reminders that are preached often loses it's magic. you want to know what i'm really afraid of?? that once i stop pushing all this, things will not move forward, things will just stop and i might have to get used to the "reality" and sooner or later everything will just crumble and fall. Ps: whenever i say i miss you do you really know the real actual meaning of that statement? it's not the meaning of the word that matters, it's the underlying meaning beneath the word that matters most. 11:18 PM
Thursday, August 12, 2010
I'm here to release my emotions. so please be patience with me for a little while. im not pushing the blame on anyone or whoever or on any issues. it's just my feelings and thoughts and having a mini detoxification ( i know the mini "shower" will come later, time to be goldfish again tomorrow i guess ) so after talking to my best friend yurong, i finally realized how much i don't wish to lose you, or how much i wanted us to work out and how irrational i was behaving ; i was using my heart to think instead of my mind. and i believe only people who are near to obsession will use their heart to think. i don't know when all these started but to me now you're my everything and it really scares the shit out of me. i've never never ever reacted such strongly towards a person before and never ever have i ever been so emotional in any way ever, not even during a funeral. something that's so minor can trigger so much thinking and filter so much emotions out of me. sometimes the more i try to control my emotions the worst it gets. you try to pretend everything is okay try to console yourself that it's normal but deep down you know your heart disagrees you're just plain upset. i know some might not understand what i'm actually blabbering about but the moment when you fall so hard for another you'll start to think, plan worry and plan again just to hope that everything will fall together in place so that this relationship will work out in the future. emotions run high when something you expect didn't happen, it is so very easy for tears to well up in the eyes and the lump in your throat to appear whenever you feel hurt inside. it always happens during the "talk" especially when you touch on the part where it hurts most. and the worst thing is you feel very extremely vulnerable because you think that he's the one, he's the person whom you want to spend the rest of your life with if possible, he's the person who constantly stays in your mind, he's the person whom you wished and think that he's able to protect you from all harm and the one who will love and respect you always, he's the person whom you love so much till it's almost impossible to not stay emotional during arguments. of course again nobody is perfect. things that are considered small and mundane sometimes plays a very important role in giving the security. things like daily small chats, meaningful textes and physical affection. i guess you don't know how happy i'm deep down inside whenever you hold my hands tight, because it makes me feel that you don't want to let me go and that i'm important in your heart. sometimes i don't know whether to express myself because it seems not much of a difference or from your reaction. it doesn't seems any difference whether or not i made the statement to you. and just sometimes i wished that you could express more how much you don't wish to lose me or love me. just sometimes. i can't help but to feel i'm a weakling for being so emotional whenever i cry. i can control my tears when i'm in the midst of the conversation, i try my best to control fighting back the tears. but once you come near me or pull me close towards you. hell just breaks loose because i don't cry, i break down instead. maybe breaking down is a way to show how hurt i'm actually inside but it's also because i need to to hug me tight comfort me and assure me that everything is going to be alright. ps: promise me that you'll be there to catch me 1 day if i give up and fall. 10:08 PM
Sunday, August 8, 2010
I put my faith in you.  Okay people.. i know i'm going to sound like a real fool. and you guys will go maybe like oh-my-god-that-is-so-mushy-la-please..stop-it!! BUT still i'm going to say it anyways. please bear with me for a while!! :D - i love it when i get to spend ample time with you and i hate it when time seems to fly pass us with the speed of a meteor star. - i think if u can love me 40++% more and i decrease my stickness towards you by 20% i will be a really very happy girl. we will be a happy family. - actually the reason for me posting this post has got direct link with this word : missing. below are the pictures that were taken from dining at seoul garden and even though the time spend at the park was rather short. i felt fuzzy wazzy feeling when posing for those pictures. to me, photographs are taken to capture that specific happy/blissful moment for memories, and it is the only way we can stop and capture time. hopefully they will be able to last till eternity. i find it very funny and cute at the same time that boyfriend was the one that actually wanted to do that heart pose. didnt expect that from him who always seems rather manly huh? me was pleasantly suprised!! love it. :D now im the man one. MUHAHAHA!  umm.. do we look like 2 beast that just escaped from zoo?    she looks like a happy girl. :)  though we might quarrel sometimes and i might feel that you no longer sayang me as much as before and that i seems to expect too much from you and don't seem to appreciate your effort. but believe me, i really do. it all boils down to us being girls. i think once the fasting month starts (next wednesday) i'll be missing you like crazy. no meeting up often nor TLC much.. it's not going to be easy but i'll do my best and hopefully i'll survive. pray that i won't wilt like a rose and die.  you know you've a very important place in my heart. i love you sayang <3 2:57 PM
Saturday, August 7, 2010
I don't understand why the fuck i'm behaving this way but i really need someone to hold my hand right now and tell me everything is going to be okay. 8:55 PM
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