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Sunday, June 27, 2010
This is the place where i usually vent and express my feelings or frustrations. it's the only place where i can find solace in the midst of feeling wrecked, the only place for me to say out what i really want to say. in the past you used to follow my post and ask " what's wrong?" whenever you see abnormal post from me but nowadays it seems like i've to remind you to do so and it feels kind of sad. to me. Up till now in my life, only few people has seen me shed a tear or seen me cry infront of them. and i think it's less than 5. but today i've broken my own record. it's the 1st time i really broke down infront someone who holds a very special place in my heart. maybe there was a miscommunication somewhere maybe it was in a moment of disappointment and anger but before i actually expressed myself, all the past memories and problems that we faced just flooded my mind and suddenly it seems that what i was trying so hard to hold onto seems just too difficult for me to continue on anymore and the current situation(problem) that we're facing just worsen the situation by making me feel as if you don't want to salvage the situation when there's still a glimpse of hope left. but the thing that kills me deep inside is that i can actually feel my heart breaking into many tiny pieces but i still want to continue holding on. simply because i loved the person too much to let go of this but at the same time the journey seems too tedious for me, and all the frequent squabbling makes it seems like maybe i was really trying too hard, maybe we're not really that compatible with each other. it really took me a whole lot of guts and courage to face up to the true feeling that has been bottling up from day 1 till now. though each time it's minor stuffs that we quarrel about but all these accumulated small minor stuffs are sabotaging the strong faith i had initially for this relationship to work out. this is the 1st time it got so bad, i freaked out by my strong emotional response. my brain was telling me to think through it carefully but my heart wants to hold on. Dearest Sb, Just wanted to say i was so glad that you held on to me when i was breaking down infront of you. i really felt very sad and hurt when you said if it's the choice that i want you would agree with the b_e_k_p. my heart just sank to the bottom and i felt lost confused and didn't know what to do but i knew that i really didn't want to lose you. but i was relieved that we sort things out and promised to hold on to this together and work this out no matter what happens. all those things that i promise that i'll learn to do you've my word for it and i hope that you keep yours too. Though i seldom express myself on how much i love you but my actions and affections speak for themselves. if i really need to express myself then the amount of tears that i shed for you represents how much and deep i love you okay. I really really want us to work out and promise me that no matter what happens you will be here with me to go through the storms together till the very end. Ps: Promise me that you'll hold me tight and never let go. 6:04 PM
Friday, June 25, 2010
" Silence is girl's loudest cry " 3:16 PM
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
i think i know the reason for me feeling this way. it's not something new but i don't want to know nor do i want to face it. so. FUCK IT. 6:43 PM
Saturday, June 19, 2010
#1 To find humor in the situation that you're in especially when you're mad or pissed at someone. #2 To not be overly "sticky" in other words dependent on boyfriend. Hopefully some personal spaces between us will breed more longing-ness for each other and hopefully increase the "im-missing-you" impact stronger. ( it's not easy but i'm going to try my best :D ) #3 You can't control what you can't control, you can only change your attitude towards it. #4 THINK POSITIVE!! #5 BEE nice to people. even to people whom you dislike. #6 STOP being SO emotional. you know who specifically i'm talking about. it's time to get the old px back as soon as possible. ( Pramila you're so going to be killed by me when i see you in august ) #7 " If you think happiness is about always getting what you want then you won't be able to find happiness because you wont be completely satisfied " #8 Forgive the person whom you loved ever so deeply for hurting you in the past and not find fault and link them to quarrels/ disputes in the future because we've to play fair. #9 List down top 3 things that your sweetheart really really annoys you and strike them off the list. Choose to forgive them for not being flawless, it's not easy for 2 person to be fated to get together and commit to each other so don't let petty things get in the way. #10 Never take yourself or others too seriously. We're dealing with life. 10:50 PM
Thursday, June 17, 2010
9:17 PM
Tuesday, June 15, 2010
Listen... 
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Saturday, June 12, 2010
1st thing that happened was this.. ..  yes. the feeling is terrible maybe we all shouldn't, but seriously it's easier said than done. and then after all the fuss was over i felt a tingling sensation deep inside but deep deep down i know that... ..  don't you know?i'm not trying to win you over or brag about how deep i'm into you but the truth is i want you..  and i only say it because i really meant it. 9:14 AM
Wednesday, June 9, 2010
If you know how this feels like, trust me you don't want to experience this ever. 3:11 PM
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
 All i want to say is no matter how angry, hurt, pissed off or sad i am, i still love you. 6:28 PM
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Wanna know how fucked up i'm feeling now? VERY. i didn't know that such angst can be inside me. looks like they have been neglected for a very long time. they're dying to get out just that all these time i've been trying to keep them contained for the longest time. i told you before i told you many times before. don't test me. why don't you fucking get it. i swallowed whatever shit you gave to me in the past, you treated me as if i was some kinda fool its not my fault to be like that for that subject so you think that i enjoyed getting screamed and lashed at you just because you've a temper that stinks so much? just because i couldn't understand couldn't catch up at that point of time you made it seemed like i was some kind of autistic child. it hurt me a big time it really did. and only now do i realized how bad this has become after being suppressed for such a long time. any idea how much you destroyed me, destroyed my self esteem and caused me to behave like a fucked up retard right now? no i bet u won't know and can't remember because it happened so many years ago. thanks for all those memories and experiences that molded into what i've become today. thank you for the memories. unless you're me you won't ever know how it feels like. i don't expect anyone to understand what the fuck i'm talking about and i don't need anyone to understand either. 9:35 PM
Saturday, June 5, 2010
I don't know when or where or if you'll read this. of course i'm talking about my special boy but nevertheless i'm still going to get this out of me anyway. its high time to pour things out a little. Dearest SB, do you know that... . . sometimes i wished that i could ignore and not be so bothered by it sometimes i wished that i can tell myself " Stop thinking about it. just let it go " sometimes i wished that i can learn not to be so sensitive towards you and your actions. sometimes i wished that you can put in a little more effort and show me more TLC? sometimes i wished that you can text me like how u did in the past before we actually got together. sometimes i wished you can understand me without me telling you exactly how i feel. sometimes i wished that you could show me through your actions if you missed me as much as i did. there are times when i feel that i'm ALWAYS the one needing you missing you. and the feeling of not knowing whether you feel the same for me sucks a big time. so do you actually? sorry but its because i really need to know. of course pretending that it's okay that i don't mind is the easiest way, but i know that the gnawing feeling wont go away. i know that by saying all these seems a little bit demanding but that's just how a girl works. believe me, it's not that i'm purposely trying to make life hard for you and me it's just that these are those small little stuffs that makes a girl feels l _ _ ed, AFTER getting together. and i think if a girl is feeling this way- (in other words insecured) the guy must have been missing out on something? surely right? IF the guy did his job i don't think the girl will ever feel or behave in such a way. right? :P anyways having that said. i just want to say the one and only reason why i'm so caught up with this is because i love you too much dearest. you made me fall for you so now, please don't fail to catch me. I♥YSMMBSB. 5:49 PM
Thursday, June 3, 2010
 ALL girls suffer the same fate when they meet someone they really love.  Silly Boy. don't you know that you're a favorite monster of mine ?9:10 PM
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