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Monday, May 31, 2010
The essence of a lasting relationship. Sometimes i ask myself once, maybe twice to hear if the voice inside me has really made her mind and of course this is not the 1st time i'm asking myself such questions, especially on this particular one. "Why?" to me i feel i personally feel that whether or not a relationship can last or not is based on 2 main factors. a couple will most likely to make it to the end IF... .. 1st) their love for each other is so strong that despite whatever obstacles that they are facing and they will do whatever it takes to spend the rest of their lives together. so basically it is about compromising. 2nd) and out of their love for each other they would rather hold on and fight for this relationship to keep it going in times of difficulties when there's a easier route to take. yes. you're right. -- giving up. as for me i think that the latter one is more important not that i think that love is unimportant in a solid relationship but most of the time things based just on feelings is not enough. commitment and the willingness to make it happen is the crux of this whole foundation thing it's the thing that keeps it going when things in the relationship doesn't seems to be the way you thought or wanted it to be. it is one of those few moments when you look at your partner and begin to doubt if whatever that you've done and sacrificed all these while is worth the effort. 2 person getting together is not a easy thing. because it's when 2 individual are fused and living as 1, compromising , giving and taking, learning to change into a better person... etc it's not maths.. it doesn't go 1 + 1 = 2, rather it's 1 + 1 = 1. because end of the day there can only be 1 choice be it in whatever decision one has to make and it has to be agreed by both. right? okay i feel smart suddenly. *grins* So anyway maybe it's pms that's causing me to think so much but end of the day i still stick to my motto.. " there's a 101 million excuses to give up, and only 1 simple reason to hold on " which is easier? giving up or staying on and fight, fighting for what you believe that's worth fighting for? 3:25 PM
Thursday, May 27, 2010
A thank you message long delayed. I still remembered that last long conversation i'd with you and i remembered me keep on repeatedly tell you the same things over and over again, the things that i wished for, the qualities that i needed and the attitude that's important. i know it must be tiring for you to to listen to me the same old things that i prayed so hard before i go to sleep each night. i still remembered clearly that i told him to send me someone who is truly meant for me and that he who really made the wait worthwhile because after so much that i've gone through i was losing hope on finding the right one. i waited for the past 18 years of my life each time before this my heart was broken again and again. each time i gave my fullest only to get it back in shattered pieces. i really had enough back then that's when i decided to give faith one last shot and talk to you. i told him very clearly to sent me someone that's worthy of me as much as i'm to him. i told him to sent me someone who'll love me as much as i would love him, (infact i need him to love me more given my character) i told him that he must be a good natured person, filial and doesnt smoke, loyal and don't lie. i told him that the person im gonna meet must accept me for who i am and love me for that. i told him the person must be able to communicate with me, by hook or by crook if not things just won't work out. - so much for a 16yrs old girl back then huh? simple and sweet. and i told him, to please listen to my prayers and give me a sign if i met him. all i knew was that i waited and waited, on some occasions i felt as if he didn't heard me & i felt lost. but now looking back maybe he's really did listened to me, maybe he was there all along just keeping silent about it because it seems like what i'd asked for is all present in sweetheart. to be honest i remembered saying to God 101 qualities to sent me my mr right but i didnt mention anything about race nor knowing how to handle my sensitivity. So all i want to say is i really thank you for blessing over me and giving me a chance with my version of "mr right" to see if things can work out between us. thank you for the opportunity to meet him and starting off as friends. thank you for blessing me with the strength and courage to go through this with him because it's not the normal and easy route that people usually take. thank you god for everything, i'm grateful for it deep inside me. just 1 thing that's left that is i hope you can help him realize how much i actually love him. God bless. 9:44 PM
Sunday, May 23, 2010
It's always never what they say You are driving me into panic but i will see it through it's gonna be rather painful so get something to numb yourself, You can't break me out of my habits You never will feel it my way I'm trading the light from your day i know you can't understand it so leave me alone i may have it. 8:20 PM
 .you miss I 3:46 PM
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
So i guess that's how the feeling is like. no wonder most of my girlfriends says that it's addictive. but i'm having some doubts if i should be a happy girl who's loved and in love, or leave some space in my heart for some unseen reservations just as yet. Listen sweetheart, you're the 1st boyfriend that i've ever had and i've gave you most of my 1st times( i know that you guys are thinking, except that la!!) and if i say that i'm not afraid of my heart being broken in any way especially of those that we had talked about and how the weight of certain words, actions being very important to me, then i'm lying. but other than that i'm glad that it happened, from the very beginning when it started as friends till your confesstion till me falling for you slowly till my feeling growing stronger as the day passes till my confesstion till the ambiguous dates till being official and up till now i know we'll still have a long long long long way to go but lets go slow and steady till the very end if possible because i really pray & hope that you're the right one for me and be the 1st and the very last that i'll ever have. i love you dearest stupid boy of mine. Shhh... don't tell them that you're my current addiction. 9:06 PM
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Incase that you really didn't know, those that i've said and noted down.. they are a part of the list that I missed deeply. 8:46 PM
Saturday, May 15, 2010
Take me as I am As the saying goes " There is nothing either good or bad, but thinking makes it so " i think technically speaking it's right. i read from a source online that one of the greatest source of unhappiness is the difficulty we have in accepting things as they are. without judgment without wishing for otherwise in another words having expectations. but of course that's easier said than done. how many of us can really meditate till that state of mind. without any expectations and freed from all kinds of attachments. can you? because i can't. yet. sometimes i really wished that i'm able to attain that kind kind of zen-like state, having that in mind whenever things don't go the way we plan for them or expected or when certain expectations isn't met by a particular someone who holds a special place in your heart. lets face it much as you want to tell yourself, " it's okay, things don't always go the way we plan & last min crashes happens this is life" but still deep inside your heart you do mind. especially if the person is one of the top few position in your heart. it might be a very small issue, a simple word or a simple gesture but it's all that you're hoping to hear or is looking for, to sort of "comfort" you in a way. no offence to anybody in anyway i'm just sharing my point of view on how i feel about such matters. but still it is when there's voicing out and sharing how you truly feel, then only can the other party know what's going through your mind and what to do to meet the needs/expectations of each other in order to strive towards a happily ever after. i don't really like it when i'm dealing with him at times. i dislike and is slightly bothered by the fact that you didn't seem to have much reactions. i dislike the way he wants to communicate with me despite flying overseas. im bothered by the fact that we're aren't on the phone anymore, and now i'm talking to him (we used to have saturday late night session on the phone secretly, do you remember?) i really dont wish to appear too clingy or needy because it's not me. but then i dont think i should hide if i really feel this way because this is me and i do care. 2:07 PM
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Today is one of the wednesdays that seriously POWERPACK. from 10 - 5.30pm all the way FYP stuffs intensed and not to mention information overload to the max. we're all so drained out and exhausted by the time we went for break and after the break was worst but we survived it. a round of applause to my team members who tried their best to digest and work out insane information to royston. and i concluded that we work best under pressure!! :D SO HAPPY that today's over and i can sleep soon i think after doing a little bit more research. i need to rest my little brain, because tomorrow you're going to work even harder!! as i'm typing this you guys reading this can imagine how my face actually looks like? dead like a dead fish. zzzzzz. but after which we went and have my beloved egg tarts at jurong east!! SB was tired but then he stilll dragged himself to accompany me to buy the egg tarts awwww... so sweet right? hahaha! but those little cups managed to make my day after a long and insanely stressful and tiring day. :) actually the main reason why i'm here is because i suddenly had the urge to pen down few of my thoughts just now.. i know it's abit random but anyway.. i like the way you treat my fingers on my hand as a mini drum set i love the way you act diva-like and act stupid just to make me laugh though i said it's irritating but i kinda like it when you try to sing high notes i love it when there's strong chemistry between us i find it funny when you're really serious yet _ _ _ _ m _ n_ in a certain way. i love it when you try and hold my hands when you know that i'm mad or upset. i love it when you give in to me despite me being a littleee unreasonable. incase you didnt know i've my own reasons to smile randomly when i look at you. see those above? i hope my special one can post something similar like these because it's nice to know and in a way it's kind of sweet right? HAHAHAH! see i knew i was sweeter than you SB :p anyway goodnight world. im going to sleep. to my special one: ILOVEYOU! :) 9:21 PM
Sunday, May 9, 2010
When words just fail Words. what are they? to some they be a kind of communication tool and to some it may be a way to express themselves to others. i know that women use close to 7000 words a day while men just merely use around 2000+. see the big difference? having that said sometimes there's still communication problems despite trying to convey the message across through words. from what i understand sometimes messages gets mixed up and i know it's inevitable when there's 2 very different kind of species living in this earth. sometimes what we wish to convey is so damn long till after typing for a few pages we get lost in it. one has to re-read the whole conversation and make sure the words best describe what we're feeling at that point of time to prevent any miscommunication. and it's not easy please. it's good if it more or less describes 90% accurately of how you're feeling, but more often than not i often find myself doubting if this is the way i wished to express myself because somehow after the long long long message and after re-reading it, it doesn't feel the same, the feeling and idea i get from re-reading it is different. and i start to try and rephrase my sentence using different words hopefully to let the other person have a better understanding. so how sounds familar?? HAHA. anyway, how i wished that there's a alternative method to express our emotions and how we feel other than using WORDS. to all my girlfriends reading this post. can you feel me? (yesyes i hear someone shouting over there) hahaha i know that you girls can totally understand. sigh it's one of the problems that we face right? :/ no offence to anyone but i suddenly have the urge to blog about this and get it cleansed out of my system. *grins* maybe next time i'll invent something, maybe a pill or something that when you eat it you're able to feel and experience "live" of the person whom you want to know. sounds cool right? LOL. i'll work on it. stay tuned for more. :) me love the color. I think you'll love it. ♥ 2:51 PM
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Officially Missing You. Though there was quite a bit of drama today but i'm glad that things are cleared up. i know it's not a nice feeling to be doubted on and it's even worst to be doubting on somebody and only to realize that actually it's wrong. the feeling pretty much sucks. and sometimes i just wished that girl's are not so complicated if only our mentality and complications is only 1/2 alike like the guys. much much more simpler minded. below are some of the stuffs that girls notice when it's rather oblivious to the guys, not to mention rather complicated to the guys. yes i know right? 1) we love it when your voice softens the moment you realize that you're speaking to us on the phone. 2) we tend to think alot. and i mean really ALOT. 3) we tend to say the opposite of how we feel when we're not okay. 4) we're kind of skeptical, paranoid and needs reassurance every once in a while. 5) we're sensitive creatures. 6) we really want to make peace during a argument, but we pretend to ignore. sorry but guys you've to give in most of the times & persevere on cajoling. 7) HUGS are the best medication always. especially after a fight. trust me on this. i wished i could retrieve some of them back. but they're all almost gone. so keep them safe for me. 9:15 PM
Sunday, May 2, 2010
It wasn't. it wasn't okay at all but i made it seems it was. so much for that. maybe i was stupid to do so. and now the question that's eating me " why did i even bother to in the 1st place..? " you couldn't sense, could you? 12:33 AM
Saturday, May 1, 2010
It seems like lately i've lost myself. so have I? where's the me that was once so strong in the past? where's the optimism i used to had even if i'm being placed in difficult situations? i knew i was all along a emotional creature but never did i ever know that i can just break down and cry even when i've tried my very best NOT to do so. i think i've really lost some part of myself and it's high time to get myself back. ASAP and my only antidote is only when i see pramila i guess. and that will be august. so till then i'll still be addicited to you-know-who. *grins* ps: it's REALLY TIME to go on a diet please. healthy food people. HEALTHY FOOOOOD!!! 8:53 PM
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