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Thursday, January 31, 2008
 Allrightie, I really really really wana catch the movie P.S I Love You this time round. I already missed buying the book itself ( which I deeply regretted ), so this time round I must definitely catch it. Well thanks to Mr Ng for recommending this great book to us written by cecilia ahern. (: Here's the Synopsis : At the age of 29, Holly Kennedy seems to have it all. She is beautiful, smart, and married to the love of her life—a passionate, funny and impetuous Irishman named Gerry. But then Gerry’s life is taken by an illness that also seems to take the life out of Holly. The only one who can help her is the person who is no longer there. Good thing he planned ahead. The first message arrives on Holly’s 30th birthday in the form of a cake and, to her utter shock, a tape recording from Gerry, who proceeds to order her to get out and “celebrate herself.” In the weeks and months that follow, more letters from Gerry are delivered in different and creative ways, each sending her on a new adventure and each signing off in the same way: P.S. I Love You. Holly’s mother (Kathy Bates) and best friends, Sharon and Denise, begin to worry that Gerry’s letters are keeping Holly tied to the past, but, in fact, each letter is pushing her further into a new future. With Gerry’s words as her guide, Holly embarks on a touching, exciting and often hilarious journey of rediscovery to find a new life…and maybe even a new love. Most likely I think I'll catch it with my girlfriends on this valentines day. I know though it's a little bit saddening to spend this coming V-day without the special someone. We can still spend it with friends ya.. One thing I know for sure, GIRLFRIENDS will ALWAYS be there for you when you need them so I LOVE MY GIRLS!! :)  This is another movie I wana watch too!! Sweeney Todd The Demon Barber Of Fleet Street. It's a thriler cum muscial (which is on the darker side, it's not anything like The Sound Of Music) so there will be alot of blood and gore. But the thing is it's M18 I'm not sure if I'm able to enter if they check my IC because my birthday is on september agrrh... Maybe if I go to those not so strict places like Westmall they might close one eye..? hahaha But then again I need to find people to watch it with me. So anyone who's interested sms me okay!!
SYNOPSIS: Johnny Depp and Tim Burton join forces again in a big-screen adaptation of Stephen Sondheim's award-winning musical thriller "Sweeney Todd." Depp stars in the title role as a man unjustly sent to prison who vows revenge, not only for that cruel punishment, but for the devastating consequences of what happened to his wife and daughter. When he returns to reopen his barber shop, Sweeney Todd becomes the Demon Barber of Fleet Street who "shaved the heads of gentlemen who never thereafter were heard from again." Joining Depp is Helena Bonham Carter as Mrs. Lovett, Sweeney's amorous accomplice, who creates diabolical meat pies. The cast also includes Alan Rickman, who portrays the evil Judge Turpin, who sends Sweeney to prison and Timothy Spall as the Judge's wicked associate Beadle Bamford and Sacha Baron Cohen is a rival barber, the flamboyant Signor Adolfo Pirelli. 6:44 PM
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
WOOHOO... Finally finished changing my blogskin SUCCESSFULLY WITHOUT ANY HELP! :) Went for piano lessons as usual and was sort of lectured my miss ho as I didn't manage to play little details on my pieces, which is essential in order to pass grade 8 standard. Timing wise is also another problem, I just can't seems to play constantly this was what she said... " xuan ar, can you please stay constant throughout the 8 page piece. Read carefully, 1 minute you're steady and another minute you're driving like a F1 racer. " Hopefuly I'm able to play the god damn piece in beat as soon as possible because when poly starts I don't think I have enough time to practice and the best thing is exam's is in August. How great!! I just hope that I won flunk this time round, because Ive never flunk before in my entire life, so I'm keeping my fingers crossed. >.< Hate that I love you. 11:50 PM
Monday, January 28, 2008
Finally I got my JAE registration done and hopefully everything will proceed smoothly. For the past 4 to 5 days I was seriously stressed out as I had to choose the courses I wanted extremely carefully, in order to secure a place for myself being school-less is the last thing I ever want to encounter AGAIN. Honesty speaking the ony subject which I feel contented with is my english which is a B3 which I find it quite ironic as I really thought I screw up my essay writting. For my maths and science I got a 5 for and I was quite disappointed with the results. Despite putting so much effort and hardwork into it, only slight improvements could be seen. But overall I made improvement of 8 points so I guess that should be okay. I was sitting down in front of my com, thinking about things which I don't know if I should even be thinking about. Thinking about what should I do about the problem that's been bothering me for the past 2 years. I think I have already hinted obvious enough for him, & that's the furthest I can go. Renuga called and we chatted for quite some time, all along I never really thought about the question until she asked me abruptly in the middle of our conversation... She: ehh.. why did you like him ar...? Me: ..... .. ( paused for a sec) Actually I don't know also, I don't think you need a reason to like someone right..? LOL She : hahaha ok ok... That question from renuga really made me think real hard after I put down the phone. Maybe it's like what people usually say, " Love doesn't need a reason ". I don't know if you will express yourself, but the only thing I can do is to continue to wait... .. 11:30 PM
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Thursday's the results and if I say that I'm not super duper worried then I'm lying. I managed to read up some courses from the local poly and I'm actually quite stressed up, the fact being that there are so many courses to choose from and I'm not sure which course I really like. Picking 6 choices of course that I have interest in is not easy so let alone 12! Picking a course you like is one thing, but whether anot you have that passion to last you for 3 years that is another different story. What if hafway through the course I suddenly lost my interest in it..? OR I find myself having doubts about the type of job that my current course is going to lead me to...? That would be so disasterous. I feel like I'm so overwhelmed with stress in my life recently, I need some time for myself in order to calm down and to think rationally. IF you like her, then take the initiative. 11:23 PM
Monday, January 21, 2008
IF I had asked myself personally, would I find it easier to let go...? Maybe, maybe not . Because IF I could, I wouldn't be in this mess right now. 9:55 PM
Saturday, January 19, 2008
If what you have said is the truth, then I think I know what I should do. 11:07 PM
Thursday, January 17, 2008
This Saturday is the day that I've been waiting for, and at the same time the day which I'm sort of afraid to face up to. I have to confess, this matter ( it's the same problem from the previous posts) has already been bothering me for a long period of time if u're 1 of my girls you should know what the hell I'm talking about. Initially I thought I could slowly get over it by myself, but then the feeling did not fade away at all. I've come to the point where I really don't want to avoid anymore. I'm sick and tired of having to ponder over the same old question, questions that prevent me from sleeping. Though I'm afraid of the answer that my girls are going to give me, I still think that I should clear this up asap in order for me to get back my normal life and not feel stressed up due to uncleared doubts. '' This is really the last chance I'm going to give myself, so I really hope you will say nothing but the truth. " Honesty speaking I'm not sure if this is the best way to slove my problem, BUT it is definitely better than sitting down and doing nothing about it. I hope I'm able to deal with whatever that's going to happen soon. I just want to clarify things up so that I can let go IF I need to. 10:55 PM
Monday, January 14, 2008
Sitting down contemplating about my problem is just so not working. I know because this has been bothering me ever since 3 to 4 weeks ago. Yup. Amazing huh..? Ya even I myself am amazed. I've really sat down and thought about it, but I cant seem to find the perfect solution to solve this super duper complicated problem. I guess I have to wait for this coming saturday to carry out Plan B with my girls. So these few days I have to prepare myself mentally for the worst, so that I'm still surviving before I get my O level results next week. So many problematic issues that's stored inside my space constrained brain. I'm really keeping my fingers crossed this time round for the results, I think I'll get insommia starting from next week onwards. ' Do you or Do you not get it..? I think I've already tried my best ' Initially I refrained myself from chatting with him, a whole seven days( trust me it's pure torture). Then, I didnt want to experience that kind of im-going-crazy feeling because I was forcing myself to do so, so I went back chatting with him. Next I tried hinting but it doesn't seems to work, there's no obvious reaction. BY then when I'm at this stage I'm already seriously so drained out. I feel so lost, but it's undeniable that the feeling's still inside me. Maybe I'm just wasting my time and energy on something which won't ever work. I guess hinting is the furthest I can go. 11:36 PM
Friday, January 11, 2008
If only you could give me a obvious sign to show that you already know who you are. 11:49 PM
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
In the stillness of the night I lay restlessly on my bed, Unsolvable troubled thoughts filling my head. I wrestled with my pillow, trying to let it go, Then only I discovered my mind was going out of control. No one ever warned me to prepare myself for this, Blame it on me, why didn’t I realized it was coming. Foolishly I went on getting too close to you, Thinking everything I did was what a good friend would do. Not knowing the consequences hidden beneath every action I did, Unexpected feelings started arising increasingly. I concealed my deepest emotion whenever you’re around me due to uncertainty, Yet sometimes I just wished that you could feel the real me. It’s not easy trying to continue treating you normally, When my inner voice screams out for you in agony. This yearning in my heart and confusion in my mind, The words left unspoken, haunts me all the time. If only you knew, how I really felt for you, Maybe, just maybe, I wouldn’t be here fretting over what else I should do - Px [ Ps: to the '07 peach tea pourer ] 9:55 PM
Monday, January 7, 2008
I landed myself in this state, because I didn't realize I got too close to you. 11:26 PM
Sunday, January 6, 2008
Here I am blogging again. So many thoughts are running through my mind right now, I don't know what to do. I do admit, I am not being myself these few days, and I'm really struggling hard to keep up with this shit. I can't do anything properly, my mind is just not there. To prevent completely losing control of myself, I'm trying to keep a distance away from you & it's seriously killing me... .. Not that I enjoy torturing myself, but I'm trying to see if I'm able to get a hold of myself, including my deepest voice within screaming for me to stop this stupid endurance test. Much as I want to stop myself from continueing, another part of me wants me to hold on. Hold on so that I might have a chance to break free from this situation. Maybe after holding on, I'll slowly get used to the emptiness inside me. Don't feel like blogging suddenly. Mood out. 11:19 PM
Today went to orchard to visit my doctor again for the scar cream, doctor said that the scar's quite red but it's normal as the cream have not been applied yet. So after consulting the doctor I went shopping at Plaza Singapura with family and since it was sis's brthday we hanged around longer. She bought a lot of clothings for herself, needless to say as dad was there to pay for the expenses. And as for me I bought a pair of earings and green coloured tank top. =) Almost throughout the whoe journey I was standing and walking even in the MRT. Looks like my calf muscles are getting more toned LOL. Everything was okay until I stepped into a particular shop which played one of the song which could easily affect my mood. So before I could get totally affected, I hurriedly walked out of that shop. The moment I got home I was already half-dazed, due to sheer tiredness from the insane shopping maddness. After shower, I lay on my bed and started reading my newly borrowed library book( I know I must be insane), and halfway through reading, I almost dozed off, but I restrained myself from doing so as I needed to go online later on. Managed to chat with zhong ming at the msn as I was feeing stressed-up again. Little did I know that I always have a 24/7 hotline for me to dial.. Which is.. Bok's Hotline!! LOL Like usual I told him about my problems quite easily as I already treated him like my sister HAHA.. he went into one of his counselling mood, and started to analyse and counseling me. To think that I needed counselling also, most of the time I'm the one counselling other people. But I guess everyone has their own weakest time, where they can't decipher what's happening around them and needed someone to lend them a helping hand. So I just want to say.. " THANKS A LOT ZHONG MING!!! " =D 12:01 AM
Saturday, January 5, 2008
Sigh, went for my piano lesson today thank god everything was going well even though I didn't touch the piano for 2 weeks.. Oops!! As usual I played my scales, hit a few wrong keys along the way as I was playing a brand new section. Finally after completing everything. Miss Ho: " Wow, not bad.. You played like a pro .." Me: "...? Me..? No la..Just copy and paste the fingerings only what.." Miss Ho: " Haha, ya so if you fail your Grade 8 scales, you'll gonna get it from me!! " LOL And after much struggle deep inside, I decide to consult her, so I told her everything. As I told her she gave me the " I understand look.." This was what she said.." Girl, so and clarify with him. If not you're the one who's gonna suffer. Why bother to torture yourself, clarify with him and make things clear. Make sure you are prepared whatever answer he's going to give you, accept it graciously and move on. If his answer really hurt you, cry and let everything out, after that no more nonsense. Get over it and move on in life. " In my heart I was wondering if I really had the courage to do it..? What if I screw up everything..? Like what I usually say, " It's easier said than done" So what's next..? 12:24 AM
Friday, January 4, 2008
" There's nothing foolish in loving anyone. Thinking you'll be loved in return is what's foolish " '' Do you really don't know that I'm waiting for you...? '' I could not agree more with the above quote. The feeling that's inside me right now can't be explained using words. Music...?, maybe. Going to sleep with a bothered mind will only make me feel much more worse. So what the heck should I do..? Maybe PMS is more or less causing me to be moody, but I know the real problem isn't pms but something else. Yesterday night was not good, didn't manage to go to my dreamland after lying on my bed. Instead past memories kept flooding my mind for unknown reason. This stupid shit can't carry on for long, it's seriously affecting my life. So looks like I have to find some kind of way to solve this issue. May god bless. 12:08 AM
Wednesday, January 2, 2008
At world's end I was intially feeling quite down for some reason, but after I decided to tune in to 98.7's Mutton's show (10pm). I instantly felt so much better as they really have a knack for making people laugh, even if we don't feel like laughing at all. After a few stupid jokes justin and vernon made on air, I felt much much more relaxed. No wonder they say laughter's the best medicine. Staying at home all day is really driving me nuts. Maybe I should just go and find some work or something...? Cuz school starts around April, if I were to sit at home doing nothing, I will DEFINITELY ROT!!! 2008's another brand New Year for all of us, well at least Most of us I suppose. Hopefully I also can have a brand new start, forget about all those past unhappy memories, those redundant shitthings only can waste the precious brain space we have. Only when we find our purpose in life, then only we can live life meaningfully. Let the past be forgottern and let new aspiration be re-born. I guess Mr Ng's right about that. Yeah, I'm still in the process of finding my purpose, so hopefully I can find my soon. God bless. 11:29 PM
Tuesday, January 1, 2008
Gonna hang out with peilin tomorrow as she's also free. So we decided to hang out at lot1's library. It was been such a long time since I last touched a decent novel, my standard of english has also dropped drastically. So much things have happened lately, right now I'm feeling so exhausted physically and mentally. Plus, I'm sick!! =( It's as if every ounch of energy I have in me is being sapped away from external problematic issues. Is there anybody who's able to answer all my questions and clarify my doubts? OR is there anything I can do to salvage myself from this situation I'm in currently..? I took a nap just now around late afternoon, and I dreamt abt him again. Sigh. I think I'm seriously losing control of myself. Losing grip of what I'm suppose to have under control. Girlfriends told me not to keep thinking about him, & I know they meant well for me. But the thing is, it's not within my control, not that I enjoying torturing or something right. Oh god, this is driving me NUTS!!! I must get a hold of myself. I don't want to think about it, somebody help me...?? 11:36 PM
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