|
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
I know it's quite stupid but i'm actually afraid of thunder when it rains heavily.. i'll be busy covering my ears to prevent shocking myself to death by the loud sound.. - thank you for sheltering and holding on to me yesterday.. and though i dislike people being stubborn but it's really very nice of you to insist sending when i said it's okay for me to travel on my own. - thank you for going the extra mile all the way during piano lesson just now. all in all i just want to say a BIGBIG thank you and it's really sweet of you. :D 8:28 PM
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Whenever i'm having my PMS things just couldn't get any worst. things which i'm already bothered about just magnifies 100X bigger and the slightest thing can trigger me into talking things which might end up bring trash talk which is- nonsense. we've been rather lovey dovey and the journey have been smooth, too smooth till i can't help but to feel that internally a storm's brewing, awaiting to happen or maybe it's really just me. sometimes i wished you could share your opinion if you have any, voice out. if not i feel like i'm always the one demanding, the one who's having expectations and all. and it sucks. seriously. don't piss me off. if not i'll chomp a part of you away. 9:39 PM
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Went for cycling lesson yesterday and i was right, i FORGOT HOW TO CYCLE!!!! who said that cycling is like pee-ing or swimming?!! cycling is one of the hardest thing to learn on earth man!! meiling was struggling like hell also but it wasn't so bad because we had each other for emotional support. Yc was complaining that teaching someone to cycle was the tedious thing he attempt so far and is amazed by how zul managed to teach me that time. HAHAHA! kudos to zul but well i forgot how to do it again, so back to square one. Zzzzzz. Psssst.. you're inside my head every now and then. 11:54 AM
Friday, March 26, 2010
Okay I've officially lost my chat logs and received files. i don't mind not being able to play the songs due to them being deleted though it's quite irritating when it comes to my favourite few. but i'm more bothered by the fact that i can't re-read the conversations i've stored all the way since day 1 till now because my chat-log history is completely WIPED OUT :(( i keep them as memories they're considered very dear to me. and now they're gone. i installed Recuva program(thanks to ahrong) and tried to retrieve them back but it wasn't sucessful. Sigh. they're really gone. :( 10:37 PM
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Hugs are good for health, it makes you feel comforted and a sense of security. though it felt abit weird just now but it was rather comforting. :) 10:48 PM
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
IF we're meant to be, we will be. People who's reading this post should know the amount of tremendous stress i'm facing right now. and i thought i really had it just now, i thought it was the end. never have i felt so alone, abandoned and lost in my life before. i was trembling and tearing like mad girl when i texted my partner-in-crime. it really felt as if the whole world came crashing down on me. i felt completely hopeless and to be honest i was shocked by the sadness within me i really never felt this way before. I know all your care and concern for me is because you loved me too deep and way too much, so much so that you're afraid of losing me, uncle said seeing you cry that day was like a father seeing his own flesh and blood dying there infront of him. maybe only time will tell you how much this mean to me and only time will tell if we're really able to last but till then i made up my mind not to let all these stop me(us), we're going to take things slow and go with the flow. this is my life, my choice, my decision and i've to take responsibility it. i got to do what i want to do with it because i don't want to have any regrets when i'm old. i can't stand those endless "What IF" and even if i failed i know that i've already tried my best and won't regret when the time comes for me to leave this world - that's when i'm old of course. Life's too short to be living someone else's dream. to my-partner-in-crime: i know these 1 week have been really stressful and tough on you and believe me the road infront of us is going to be much much more tougher. i'm not suprised if this is going to be hell lotta worse than WW3, everyday might be living hell for both of us and problems will only multiply and get more complicated unless we decide to stop this journey. Till then i think we shall stick together and try to overcome all these many fucking insane, unreasonable obstacles one step at a time, slow and steady okay? and i believe that all these obstructions will only make whatever we have between us( our bond )- stronger. from the way i was affected and how it almost killed my heart just now, i can somehow confirm how much this meant to me. 9:42 PM
Monday, March 22, 2010
It's a rather mixed feeling i've right now, and i know it's only normal to feel so at this very moment. opinions were given just now and they sort of put me back in place to re-evaluate this situation very seriously. am i really prepared for it and all those questions that was shot at me i couldn't answer them at all. and i think only time can tell if i'm able to do so, maybe all these pressure is uncalled for, maybe i'm stressing myself too much. i know i should just go with the flow but all these subconscious questions sit at the back of my brain waiting to be noticed by me. there were times where i thought i understood you, but it didn't felt like it just now. and i though i knew where i was going... .. Is our secret safe tonight and are we out of sight Or will our world come tumbling down? Will they find our hiding place is this our last embrace or will the walls start caving in? It could be wrong, could be wrong, but it should have been right - Resistance by Muse. 9:52 PM
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Sooo guys how's my new blogskin? nice right?? AHAHAHA let me tell you a secret *in whisper mode* i'm soooo in lurveee with it. ;) & a round of applause for me please i did it all by myself!! anyway there's piano lesson in the morning again tomorrow, after which FYP research time at national library with my team. all the way man people. i think i'll be super drained out to the max tomorrow. but it'll be worth while moreover my source of energy will be there tomorrow. *winks* i don't know when all these started. but you already poisoned my mind. 10:45 PM
Spit it out. we trashed things out you shot questions and even answered them for me, i swallowed even if it was shit. deep down inside i questioned myself but kept it inside because i know only time can tell the truth. your strong sense of denial forced me to weave a shimmering promise that's not meant to be broken, but if it really happens then don't blame me because i wasn't suppose to lie but you forced me to. there was no other alternative route to choose from. i'm sorry but you created all these. " True love don't come easy, and i believe if it's there it'll see us through the end. " 1:15 AM
Saturday, March 20, 2010
I don't tell anyone about the way you hold my hand I don't tell anyone about the things that we have planned I won't tell anybody Won't tell anybody They want to push me down They want to see you fall - down Won't tell anybody how you turn my world around I won't tell anyone how your voice is my favourite sound Won't tell anybody Won't tell anybody They want to see us fall They want to see us fall Don't believe the things you tell yourself so late night and You are your own worst enemy You'll never win the fight Just hold on to me I'll hold on to you It's you and me up against the world It's you and me. - Parachute by Cheryl Cole. thanks to jelly i managed to find this song and it fits my current situation perfectly. totally totally spot on. Ps: hold on tight, it's going to be a real bumpy ride. 6:46 PM
Thursday, March 18, 2010
The war has started yesterday. Big one. but i'll prove them wrong that i'm a sensible daughter by working on my FYP. hopefully ours will be a success and that's the 1st step in proving them our worth. as for the rest i really have no idea how it will turn out. only time can tell so i guess it's 1 step at a time. but nevertheless i still hope that going with the flow will be smooth all the way. " you know what you want, work on it " this was 1 of the quotes i saw on the little book of love. I know all these definitely isn't going to be easy for us, IF we choose to and am able to last. i don't want to pressure myself too much either. FYI.. it seems like it's getting deeper. 10:16 PM
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
" is it really complicated or are we complicating things up? " Each time i think about this sentence i hope it's the latter one. and i believe most of the time we're responsible for it for all the trouble, pain and suffering we've to go through just because some people still is unable to accept things as they are. so sad.. but it's the truth. i know very well sooner or later i'll have to face this problem of mine. it's just a matter of time. million and zillion of things just flood through my mind each time i think about it, factors, problems, solutions, the search for answers and uncertainty prevails. honesty speaking i'm unsure of how things will work out, only time will tell and i always believe in that. all the frustrations doubles up when you're unsure of how things will work out but at least let the foundation be strong so we won't fall and the impact wouldnt be so great. All i ask for isn't too much, just acceptance on whatever decisions i will make at the end of the day. of course i will be responsible for it and i feel i'm old enough to be making choices of my own afterall life is all about making decisions isn't it? i know that i'm a worrier but that's because i can see those questions coming out from you in the future. i know there might be no definite answers right now and only time will tell if we're suitable. but what disturbs me most is the reluctance to open up and accept things as they are. it kills me deep inside when you're trying to rough it out on your own + juggle with study commitments and family just don't understand worst of all they are resistant. i'm geting rather emotional when writting this post but i think it's only normal because i've never ever felt this way before (if you get my drift). it's time for me to be independent and make decisions of my own. all i ask for is to have faith in me even if i fail i know, learn and grow from it. last of all I am ME. when it comes to the context of r/s please don't push your dreams and hope and ask me to live it because it won't work that way. i believe i know what i want and of course will be careful in the decisions i make. last but not least i just hope that there's mutual respect between us. i know i may appear to be the good daughter of the family and most of the time i'll give in when both of the old ones are not happy with trival stuffs. but this might not be the same case anymore because i fight for what i believe in. i dont want to be come across as disrespectful or rebellious trust me. but i really really cannot tolerate people not respecting my decisions and living my life their way. i'll go with the flow and see what happens next. but i know everything will be okay in the end. so if it's not okay now, then it is still not the end. till then. don't worry i'll survive this. walk beside me & support me if it's real i'll definitely fight for it. so are you ready? 4:45 PM
Monday, March 15, 2010
" How did it get so late so soon? " that was what i realized when i looked at my watch just now. 10:34 PM
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Got back yesterday night around 11.30pm from cambodia, me was back earlier due to parasitic infection and had to leave the team as dad and mom was worried about my condition. t'was quite bad because i was hospitalized for 1 day severe diarrhea and vomitting. sigh who knew a tiny weenie insignificant amoeba could cause such great havoc to my body huh?? it really sucked flying back alone and worst of all i was having motion sickness, dizzy spells and nausea i swear to god the 2hrs 5 mins on the plane seemed like forever to me. if given a choice i rather kill myself then to endure that kind of you-want-to-puke but just can't get it out feeling + air turbulance = SHEER TORTURE. it got so so bad till i was on the verge of breaking down on the plane but i held on, trying my best to remain strong because i was all alone :( i was counting down for the plane to land on s'pore and inside my mind were images of the past 8 days with the team and all the things we've done and experienced, all the joy & laughter, the sadness due to members falling sick 1 by 1, the pain we'd to endure due to the insane heat condition and cleanliness of the state we're living in. to be honest it wasn't easy for all of us during this service learning trip. to summarize everything i think i've really learn and grow quite abit to remain stronger as a person and to be appreciative of what we have over here in singapore, no rusty water smell, urban lifestyle, and having someone to support us. this trip i guess really had stretched all of us to our maximum limit especially for me over there in cambodia my 1st hospitalization and IV drip happened and blood test was done again. i guess my phobia of needles into my veins isnt as scary because ive already encountered the worst experience of my life in a foreign country alone. i'm missing the guys over in cambodia hope everything goes well for them and all the best to you guys for the painting of the health post!! enjoy the last 2 days of the stay over there. :) PX MISSES YOU GUYSSSS!! i am feeling rather weak from the medication got to rest soon. stupid parasite i hope you'll die soon. 6:22 PM
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
So i'm leaving for cambodia in another hour's time off to the airport parents will be fetching me. I'm thinking that PMS is the culprit here making me moodswing and emotional. Will be there for 12 days and hopefully these 12 days will allow me to have a clearer view of what i want and whether anot suitable. it's the 6th time again and i'm currently feeling slightly confused. lets hope that i'll have the answer when i get back to s'pore on the 14th march. takecare all my beloved friends dnt miss me too much and please takecare of yourselves alright. will be missing you guys. 1:23 AM
|
Tagbox Affiliates ROZZ EILEEN ALEX ANGELA AZ ELMO SHIHUI INSYIRAH DARIUS DORIS YENSING JERRY COUSIN EDDIE WENTING MR EDDY MR NG TEE MENG JIA YAN JUN HAO JOOTENG SHIKIN SAMANTHA MARCUS CALISTA AND EILEEN YEN SING & LI CHING ALVIN CALISTA EILEEN ONG NASRUL NASH SHILIN SWEEHONG YICHEE NICHLOAS MUQSIT RAYNEll YONGWEI WEIXIAN YUXIAN ZHONGMING ZHAOXIONG HUIXIN WEENA ROSE DOUGLAS HEMA CAILING CHENYEE SHUZHEN SUMIN PEILIN IRENE NORIZAN DOM AKA DOLLY THE SHEEP JUNHU JOESEPHINE YANLIN ZHIYAN SHAWN MANTON NAT HANISAH LIYANA FAZLIN YINGHUI MEILING REDZWAN HARZLINDA ZUL RECIPE FOR SWEETS |
