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Tuesday, April 27, 2010
I chanced upon this just now while random surfing for love quotes. and i think that so far this is the only one which i think best describe love. " It takes real courage to love knowing it might end anytime, but having the faith that it will last forever." much as i want to deny but i guess you already know the truth. if you were to ask me, there's nothing else to compare but if you feel like i feel, please let me know that it's real. ps: i'm in love with "can't take my eyes off you" because it reminds me of... .. YOU 8:00 PM
Saturday, April 24, 2010
Just take me away to place where it's much simpler than this. sometimes in life you just have to choose a route that goes against your parent' decision not that you don't love them anymore but it's more of a sign that you've really grown up and that you've a mind of your own. please please try and understand that there's only so much that you can craft the route for me, and i know it's your greatest wish for me to abide to your wishes and follow the way you wan me to live my life according to what you've planned for me. but if you really love me i feel that you should let me go and let me make my own decision be it for the good or bad. this is my life of course i'll take your concerns into deep consideration but nevertheless at the end of the day it is still my decision i hope you will understand because the last thing that i ever want to do - is to look back and live in regret because i didn't make a choice that my heart wanted. when i really felt that there was clearly a chance of it working out. i've made up my mind not to waste my time, tears and energy to dwell on negative stuffs and indulge in self-pitying moments. they won't help at all, they only suck the hell lot of energy out of me and reduce me into a frail, pessimist, lifeless weakling. So let time prove our worth to you and i believe that if things continue to be the way it is right now for another 8years down the road, we'll surely make it through at the end of the day. let god bless me with his strength and courage to hang on till the very end. I'm putting my faith in him. Amen. 10:53 AM
Friday, April 23, 2010
today wasn't really a good day for me. 2 times within a single day. and amongst so many people out there i'd to do that directly infront of you. so tell me since when have i grown so weak? but still i can't deny the fact that i love the way i smell of you after we hang out together. 10:28 PM
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Sometimes i feel that the way i behave is unreasonable but all i want is a little bit more of your care & attention yet i cannot and can't really say, so i end up behaving like a troubled MUSSLE - clammed up. sometimes i feel so pissed at you but you seems to almost make everything okay at the end of the day. i've doubts when i'm hinting you so sometimes i wished you get what i mean when i'm hinting you how much you meant to me. sometimes i wished you're small and portable so i can slip you safely inside my pocket and bring you along wherever i go. sometimes i really get so mad and is on the verge of having a heart attack when talking to you yet it seems like your innocent and guilty face always save you from being killed by me at the end of the day. you won't know how addictive are your hugs. i mean seriously. last but not least i so LOVE scrambled eggs. and FYI you're reaching there sooon. OOOM NOM NOM! :) . 8:02 PM
Monday, April 19, 2010
dating does not equates to girlfriend/boyfriend( in a relationship). but more often than not the purpose of dating is to enter a relationship or even marriage if it'll last. so dear brain why are u stressing me out? but i feel in anycase, dating is already 50% of the battle won, the other 50% lies with time. i don't believe in rushing, rather just go with the flow bit by bit. and i believe.. when the time is right then only will a relationship will blossom fully. :) 10:24 PM
Sunday, April 18, 2010
I'm MISSING my dearest pramiila so freaking much. suddenly. i miss the way we used to share our insecurities i miss the way we bitch about stuffs that's annoying us i miss the way how u never fail to push me up when i fall i miss your " this is not so you(px). go-for-it!! " attitude when i'm down i miss the amount of confidence u always give after talking to you i miss us laughing as if we just escaped from IMH i miss your ability to soothe me, i just need to talk to you and everything will be okay i really really really really miss you. :'( 10:01 PM
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Alive Hokays. so no more time limit don't think its logical anymore. i mean like 2 mins preview now and no time limit when june arrives? LOL. K i'll stop kidding myself. but the real deal starts after my piano exam on the 8th May. though this ambiguous activity has started since march and there's been a BIG drama about this issue with my parents. but it'll be clear soon. i'm counting down as it'll be the official date. 8th may.. are you? anyway, we walked bugis, sushi, takoyaki, grape juice, simplesoap, interlocked fingers, toners, sight seeing, fullerton hotel, singapore river, sharing sessions, listening intently and gazing at stars. i dont usually say this and i believe that i'm also not that type of person who'll say these kind of stuffs. but... .. the way you held my hands when we sat down and talked, i can't help but to feel loved.. i really hope this feeling will last. till the day when we'd already grown old with each other. 10:55 PM
Wednesday, April 14, 2010
Can i like not go to school tomorrow? Sigh. skipped 400 times within 15+min and i realized that i can only start to sweat after 350 times. looks like i need to hit 600 times for a better workout. talking about jogging maybe i'll start soon i need to jog for 45 mins to burn off my fats not just glycogen!! so LPX go for 8 round downstairs. anway i chanced upon this article and was "enlightened" on how men and women's chemical actually works.. " Oxytocin is a brain chemical that produces feelings of trust and attachment. Men get a blast of it when they kiss, women feel a rush when they hold a lover's hand, and during orgasm, both partners are flooded with the powerful substance. So last but not least, enjoy each other physically. " and there's another part which made me believe that there's still hope on ever lasting love... Similar Brain Responses in Those in Love for Many Years or Just Several Months. the studies shows that people who are intensely in love after many years of marriage show brain responses to their partners that are similar to those of people who have just fallen in love. Researchers used functional magnetic resonance imaging to scan the brains of 10 women and seven men who reported that they were still intensely in love with their spouses after an average of 21 years of marriage. While being scanned, participants were shown images of their spouses and other individuals. The researchers previously performed a similar study with 10 women and seven men who had fallen in love on average seven months before the experiment. For participants in long-term and short-term relationships, viewing images of romantic partners stimulated activity in brain regions that are associated with motivation to win rewards. However only those in long-term relationships showed activity in brain regions associated with feelings of calmness and pain suppression, whereas those in short-term relationships showed activity in brain regions associated with obsessive thought and intense focus. “ These results suggest that those who experience long-term romantic love continue to crave union with their spouses and remain highly motivated to maintain, enhance, and protect their relationships — like those in early-stage, intense romantic love. Their spouses continue to be sources of reward and well-being, ” soooo food for thought huh? hell yeah. 2:35 PM
Tuesday, April 13, 2010
So what's up peopleee! im back again * blows dust * to revive my blog with some pictures which lots of people complaining that it's too dead and lifeless without some action pictures!! hahaha! so once upon a time nesh, me and zul decided to go and have dinner at fish and co for gathering.. it's been so long since i saw that girl please.. and before that me and zul went to watch REC2!!!! as you guys know i've a phobia of zombie flims, quarantine left me sleepless for 3 nights and i still dare and watch REC2. maybe because i felt braver this time round. HAHA like real. but it wasnt as scary this time round, im not telling why *winks*   my favourite picture of the day!! * looks like ive to teach him how to smile *          Nessh and zul Nesh, me and the cheesecake HAHAH!    Our Fish of the day DORY!!  SEAFOOD PLATTER!! * its damn nice seriously * STRAWBERRY CHEESECAKEEEE!! :Dthe food at Fish and Co was insane as you can see. insanely huge portions!! but the tiger king prawns is simply divine. the flesh was succulent and super fresh topped with butter and cream sauce. salivating already anybody? HAHA prawn lovers will die to eat that kind of prawns i think? i want to eat those prawns from heaven again!!! :) the butter fish was nice also!! sotongs + fires + scallop .. just that the scallop flesh was really soft i prefer chewy texture those real hard and rubbery kind. deeelicious! last but not least the cheesecake was the very oooh-la-la kind. rather thick and sour due to the strawberriees chunky bits inside. but i prefer coffee bean's cheesecake! it's still good though can try!! other than the food today that was powerpack and the movie.. i'd little bit of preview today with him and it felt kinda... .. awkward-but-very-sweet feeling. awkward due to a few issues, but biggest problem was the height. now i understand why sky said it was abit tough maybe i'll wear heels next time round. HAHA! SB said it felt like " holding toddler's hand " zzzzzz whalao i know my hands not that big la but they are decent size okay. next up will be hooking. i loooove. if you can read my mind.. you know it'll be real soon before i totally *a** **r *o* 3:55 PM
Saturday, April 10, 2010
here's a little bit of sharing on what's on my mind right now.. .. im going with the flow, though i'm clueless on what the future holds i'm not that type to show how much i like/love you by saying it out loud, try paying attention to the subtle signs and behaviour, because they tend to be the ones screaming out loud. sometimes i do have my moments of weakness, insecurities and i need assurance, but i don't want to appear weak by showing it out, hopefully with time you'll learn to figure it out? like i've said umpteen times before, i'm a very extremely complicated creature and i dont think anybody in the world can stand my nonsense-(sometimes not even myself) except my girlfriends(those who really know me well). So, venture at your own risk. but this living bean seems to have develop deeper feelings towards XXXXXX, ohyes & better chemistry too. i know that... .. she can be annoying and behave childishly, and she can be unreasonable at times and yes you HAVE to give in to her and she can be naggy at times but it's for your own good she can be harsh at times with words when hurt, but it's out of care Yes she gets jealous easily, well all girls do actually but she won't tell. so if you're okay with the above then.. congratulations you've won once in a lifetime experience with this earthling. psst.. if we can make it till the end you'll be my very 1st and hopefully the last i'll ever had. 1:11 PM
Thursday, April 8, 2010
I need a place for me to release whatever emotion that's within me right now. i can't tolerate it any much longer seriously. tears are streaming down as im typing this god knows what the fuck is happening to me. stop being so weak!! i reckon it's PMS again but this time it's really really bad. my emotions are all intertwined and screwed. seriously screwed. i know pms is the main culprit but then all these emotions and thoughts are still buried deep inside me. they've been inside me for quite some time, i thought that with time they might disappear but they didnt. how do i get them off? tell me how. Why am i even feeling this way? why am i having expectations in the very first place? why do i feel that things are no longer the same as the past? am i being too demanding or have things really changed..? the stuffs and the way i do things are so not my style. i think i've really given much more compared to the past and it seems like each time i'm giving more, i'm sinking deeper and deeper there's no turning back no way to U-turn it's as if i've lost my sense of security. sometimes i just feel so insecured because of the large amount of output and emotions i'd put in this so far. im afraid seriously afraid of the same old history repeating itself, i've never been so afraid in my life ever before yet at the same time if i were to hold back i feel that i'm not giving my all, not doing what my heart really wants me to do. but don't you get it? i'm trying to prevent you from getting crushed again. and if you really get crushed this time round, i doubt i'll be able to save you much. not kidding. anyway here's something to ponder about... ... " learn to listen, but not just to her words." -" One of the best things my life partner has taught me (indirectly) is that a man needs to listen to a woman on many levels, not just her speech. By the time she has to tell you to do something you have often already missed several hints that she has been giving you. If you want to be a good husband/boyfriend you need to learn what these hints are." as a girl i can vouch that the statement is so true. no offence people, it's not meant to be directed at anybody but sometimes i seriously wished guys can be abit more _ _ _ s _ _ i _ _. ps: trust me, it's a sheer helplessness feeling when you realize that you actually don't have much control. 8:43 PM
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
whatever doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. take my hand and hold on tight walk with me both day and night, on the journey that time holds the key. we can take on those giant mountains and move heart of steel like a fish who swims in the ocean we can make it if we dare. 9:45 PM
Monday, April 5, 2010
Shopping with meiling and zul at vivocity but we didnt get anything because everything was so bloody overpriced. seriously if my house have some money printing machine i wouldn't mind spending kind of money. but one of the dresses at warehouse caught my eye it was super gorgeous the pricing was also too $113 bucks. maybe and i believe i'll find better deal this wednesday for my shopping spree. tomorrow im heading down to get my hair done hopefully the color will turn out nice for me. HAHA! it was sudden and felt rather fuzzy, but the 2nd one was still a failed attempt. HAHAH! maybe i'll demo the right way to do it next time, when i gather enough courage. :)) ps: a real hug makes you don't feel like letting go. *grins* 8:49 PM
Saturday, April 3, 2010
 This particular sentence has always been the source of comfort whenever i'm stucked in the vicious endless cycle of worrying. but more often than not it usually works for a while and the next moment i'll start worrying again. unproductive worrying that is. ALL of us worry. well most of us do right? it's a very mentally exhausting activity to engage in and to chronic worriers like me a classic example(not that we LOVE to worry more of we can't really help it), worrying sucks the energy out of you like a vacuum cleaner sucking dust particles and you'll end up weary of life, troubled and insecure just because we worry about the future. I'm someone who HATES and cannot live with uncertainty, call me a control freak but i feel more secured when i've things planned so that they will flow more or less the way i arranged for things to fall nicely into. WORRY- is the world longest bridge that we pick bundles of stick to build a bridge that we never cross. we fret so much about tomorrow and the future that we don't realize it's eating so much of our today and tomorrows. whenever i worry or share with friends my worrisome nature, they often say " don't worry so much it's of no use " easier said than done. seriously. especially when you're talking about things that are important to you, issues/problems that you hold close to your heart. so the main reason for blogging such a lengthy post is because i'd wanted to get this outta of chest for the longest time. this bloody irritating topic worrying!! * heaves a huge sigh of relief * recently i've been worrying a whole lot seriously. deciding whether to carry on with my decision or not. those who knew what's happened recently in my life knows that my world's been upside down. things are getting a little bit better recently and i've been put in a situation whereby i'd to decide carefully and make a decision for myself. i think i'd spent easily 2-3 weeks thinking really hard about it every each single day. problem: would you take a chance and go ahead with your decision despite your parents being strongly against it and even warned you against it? and it would be dire consequences if they found out? i contemplated, think, rethink and ruminate it again and again.. for the longest time. and my decision was to do what my heart tells me to do because at the end of the day i don't want to look back and have any regrets that i didn't take the chance to give it a shot when there was a chance that it might happen that it might turn out right, just because people/outsiders tell you that it won't work out or that it's not suitable for you based on their past experiences thus their assumption. and i asked myself " is this even fair when i've not even give myself a chance to try it out? " Life's too short to be living other people's dream and expectations. then again when i decided on going ahead with the decision i'll start another new worrying - whether this will last or not? we're talking about the future that has yet to happen yet i'm already starting seeking for the answer preparing myself for the worst. people reading this do you feel me? it sucks a whole lot more especially because i'm a girl. but after reading up and thinking it throughly, it's of no use if i'll to keep on worrying about the future and not living the present moment as it is right now. because nobody knows what's going to happen in the future and it's not guaranteed so why not give our best in what we have now and hopefully it'll create a future from there on. till then i'm gonna try and digest all these info into my tiny brain which hopefully it won't reject any important stuff. and i'll learn not to worry so much and live in the moment. wish me luck!! :) ps: i'm actually feeling much more vulnerable than before. you weren't suppose to mean this much to me, but it's something that i've no control over. maybe you really got me this time. 8:46 PM
Friday, April 2, 2010
Yes people i changed my URL and blogskin. hopefully those that i faithfully went and tagged on their tagboards will be able to reach here safely. URL is due to personal privacy reasons and i don't wish to talk much about it and as for my blogskin it's because the original one was screwed due to the pictures from photobucket. i'm keeping my fingers crossed this wont be screwed as well because the layout is rather similar. my heart is aching for some unknown reason currently as i blog this post. maybe too much stress? anyways i finally met peilin and went for a swim today for 2 hrs at cck complex it was quite bad 2 laps felt like 10 laps. after which we went lunch and drifted home and napped. chanced upon meiling's blogpost and i love this sentence " skin never tear cannot put plaster" that was when we went cycling that day and i'm a little bit lazy to post pictures get it from ling's side. teehee. till then. TATA. 12:28 AM
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