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Monday, August 30, 2010
How to fight fair i chanced on this article on how to fight fairly in a relationship and i think it's rather useful. because more often than not we tend to get too carried away when our emotions run high in the midst of a heated argument. they say that how you argue and the way you end a argument can determine the long term success or a failure of a relationship. "Disagreements are going to occur," says Dr. Phil. " The question is, do you go into it with a spirit of looking for resolution or do you go into it with a spirit of getting even, vengeance, control ? You'll never win if you do that. If you make your relationship a competition, that means your spouse has to lose in order for you to win. It's not a competition, it's a partnership." Here are Dr. Phil's specific rules for fighting fair: Don't bring up old grudges or sore points when they don't belong in a particular argument. Put boundaries around the subject matter so that a fight doesn't deteriorate into a free-for-all. Deal with the issue at hand, not with a symptom of the problem. Get real about what is bothering you, or you will come away from the exchange even more frustrated. Stay focused on the issue, rather than deteriorating to the point of attacking your partner personally. Don't let the fight degenerate into name-calling. Know what you want going into the disagreement. If you don't have a goal in mind, you won't know when you've achieved it. How an argument ends is crucial. Recognize when an olive branch is being extended to you — perhaps in the form of an apology or a joke — and give your partner a face-saving way out of the disagreement. Every single thing you disagree about is not an earth-shattering event or issue. You do NOT have to get mad every time you have a right to be. Arguments should be temporary, so don't let them get out of hand. Don't allow the ugliness of an argument to stretch on indefinitely. i too also talked to 1 of my very best friends(yurong) on this particular issue and i think i'm truly blessed to have her to be there to analyze and tell me what she thinks of me in a neutral 3rd party's opinion - because that's the fairest way to do so. after all these while, finally i'm able to pinpoint the " lurking shadow" in my personality with the help of the article and her. thank you my dearest ahrong :) and it's high time i do something about it before it get's way out of control. i think after reading the article i'm guilty on some aspects :( from now on in order not to jeopardize the relationship i'll try my best to change some of the nasty streak in me when i turn green(mad) lesson no. #1: even if im right or i feel that i'm right in the argument, i will not be/feel overly righteous about it and try to stand in both party view to be fair. if not it will become a case of " I WIN" and "you lose" kind of competition. - there is no prize in winning a argument. lesson no. #2: the main focus of a argument is not really on who is wrong or who is right. though it plays a rather important part to let the "guilty" party apologize. but rather, reaching a agreeable solution to make sure the problem/mistake DOES NOT happen again is the ultimate priority. lesson no.#3 : show appreciation in all aspects, say the 2 magic words -Thank you. 2 little small words goes a long long way. be ready to recognize each others weaknesses and learn to appreciate what the other has to offer. :) Ps: to my dearest SB, i'm really genuinely sorry if i'd accidentally hurt you in the past with my behaviour. or make it seems like it's always you in the wrong. i'm really sorry and i'll do my best to be a better girlfriend. I ♥ you. 8:47 PM
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