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Sunday, June 27, 2010
This is the place where i usually vent and express my feelings or frustrations. it's the only place where i can find solace in the midst of feeling wrecked, the only place for me to say out what i really want to say. in the past you used to follow my post and ask " what's wrong?" whenever you see abnormal post from me but nowadays it seems like i've to remind you to do so and it feels kind of sad. to me. Up till now in my life, only few people has seen me shed a tear or seen me cry infront of them. and i think it's less than 5. but today i've broken my own record. it's the 1st time i really broke down infront someone who holds a very special place in my heart. maybe there was a miscommunication somewhere maybe it was in a moment of disappointment and anger but before i actually expressed myself, all the past memories and problems that we faced just flooded my mind and suddenly it seems that what i was trying so hard to hold onto seems just too difficult for me to continue on anymore and the current situation(problem) that we're facing just worsen the situation by making me feel as if you don't want to salvage the situation when there's still a glimpse of hope left. but the thing that kills me deep inside is that i can actually feel my heart breaking into many tiny pieces but i still want to continue holding on. simply because i loved the person too much to let go of this but at the same time the journey seems too tedious for me, and all the frequent squabbling makes it seems like maybe i was really trying too hard, maybe we're not really that compatible with each other. it really took me a whole lot of guts and courage to face up to the true feeling that has been bottling up from day 1 till now. though each time it's minor stuffs that we quarrel about but all these accumulated small minor stuffs are sabotaging the strong faith i had initially for this relationship to work out. this is the 1st time it got so bad, i freaked out by my strong emotional response. my brain was telling me to think through it carefully but my heart wants to hold on. Dearest Sb, Just wanted to say i was so glad that you held on to me when i was breaking down infront of you. i really felt very sad and hurt when you said if it's the choice that i want you would agree with the b_e_k_p. my heart just sank to the bottom and i felt lost confused and didn't know what to do but i knew that i really didn't want to lose you. but i was relieved that we sort things out and promised to hold on to this together and work this out no matter what happens. all those things that i promise that i'll learn to do you've my word for it and i hope that you keep yours too. Though i seldom express myself on how much i love you but my actions and affections speak for themselves. if i really need to express myself then the amount of tears that i shed for you represents how much and deep i love you okay. I really really want us to work out and promise me that no matter what happens you will be here with me to go through the storms together till the very end. Ps: Promise me that you'll hold me tight and never let go. 6:04 PM
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