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Saturday, April 3, 2010
 This particular sentence has always been the source of comfort whenever i'm stucked in the vicious endless cycle of worrying. but more often than not it usually works for a while and the next moment i'll start worrying again. unproductive worrying that is. ALL of us worry. well most of us do right? it's a very mentally exhausting activity to engage in and to chronic worriers like me a classic example(not that we LOVE to worry more of we can't really help it), worrying sucks the energy out of you like a vacuum cleaner sucking dust particles and you'll end up weary of life, troubled and insecure just because we worry about the future. I'm someone who HATES and cannot live with uncertainty, call me a control freak but i feel more secured when i've things planned so that they will flow more or less the way i arranged for things to fall nicely into. WORRY- is the world longest bridge that we pick bundles of stick to build a bridge that we never cross. we fret so much about tomorrow and the future that we don't realize it's eating so much of our today and tomorrows. whenever i worry or share with friends my worrisome nature, they often say " don't worry so much it's of no use " easier said than done. seriously. especially when you're talking about things that are important to you, issues/problems that you hold close to your heart. so the main reason for blogging such a lengthy post is because i'd wanted to get this outta of chest for the longest time. this bloody irritating topic worrying!! * heaves a huge sigh of relief * recently i've been worrying a whole lot seriously. deciding whether to carry on with my decision or not. those who knew what's happened recently in my life knows that my world's been upside down. things are getting a little bit better recently and i've been put in a situation whereby i'd to decide carefully and make a decision for myself. i think i'd spent easily 2-3 weeks thinking really hard about it every each single day. problem: would you take a chance and go ahead with your decision despite your parents being strongly against it and even warned you against it? and it would be dire consequences if they found out? i contemplated, think, rethink and ruminate it again and again.. for the longest time. and my decision was to do what my heart tells me to do because at the end of the day i don't want to look back and have any regrets that i didn't take the chance to give it a shot when there was a chance that it might happen that it might turn out right, just because people/outsiders tell you that it won't work out or that it's not suitable for you based on their past experiences thus their assumption. and i asked myself " is this even fair when i've not even give myself a chance to try it out? " Life's too short to be living other people's dream and expectations. then again when i decided on going ahead with the decision i'll start another new worrying - whether this will last or not? we're talking about the future that has yet to happen yet i'm already starting seeking for the answer preparing myself for the worst. people reading this do you feel me? it sucks a whole lot more especially because i'm a girl. but after reading up and thinking it throughly, it's of no use if i'll to keep on worrying about the future and not living the present moment as it is right now. because nobody knows what's going to happen in the future and it's not guaranteed so why not give our best in what we have now and hopefully it'll create a future from there on. till then i'm gonna try and digest all these info into my tiny brain which hopefully it won't reject any important stuff. and i'll learn not to worry so much and live in the moment. wish me luck!! :) ps: i'm actually feeling much more vulnerable than before. you weren't suppose to mean this much to me, but it's something that i've no control over. maybe you really got me this time. 8:46 PM
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