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Tuesday, March 16, 2010
" is it really complicated or are we complicating things up? " Each time i think about this sentence i hope it's the latter one. and i believe most of the time we're responsible for it for all the trouble, pain and suffering we've to go through just because some people still is unable to accept things as they are. so sad.. but it's the truth. i know very well sooner or later i'll have to face this problem of mine. it's just a matter of time. million and zillion of things just flood through my mind each time i think about it, factors, problems, solutions, the search for answers and uncertainty prevails. honesty speaking i'm unsure of how things will work out, only time will tell and i always believe in that. all the frustrations doubles up when you're unsure of how things will work out but at least let the foundation be strong so we won't fall and the impact wouldnt be so great. All i ask for isn't too much, just acceptance on whatever decisions i will make at the end of the day. of course i will be responsible for it and i feel i'm old enough to be making choices of my own afterall life is all about making decisions isn't it? i know that i'm a worrier but that's because i can see those questions coming out from you in the future. i know there might be no definite answers right now and only time will tell if we're suitable. but what disturbs me most is the reluctance to open up and accept things as they are. it kills me deep inside when you're trying to rough it out on your own + juggle with study commitments and family just don't understand worst of all they are resistant. i'm geting rather emotional when writting this post but i think it's only normal because i've never ever felt this way before (if you get my drift). it's time for me to be independent and make decisions of my own. all i ask for is to have faith in me even if i fail i know, learn and grow from it. last of all I am ME. when it comes to the context of r/s please don't push your dreams and hope and ask me to live it because it won't work that way. i believe i know what i want and of course will be careful in the decisions i make. last but not least i just hope that there's mutual respect between us. i know i may appear to be the good daughter of the family and most of the time i'll give in when both of the old ones are not happy with trival stuffs. but this might not be the same case anymore because i fight for what i believe in. i dont want to be come across as disrespectful or rebellious trust me. but i really really cannot tolerate people not respecting my decisions and living my life their way. i'll go with the flow and see what happens next. but i know everything will be okay in the end. so if it's not okay now, then it is still not the end. till then. don't worry i'll survive this. walk beside me & support me if it's real i'll definitely fight for it. so are you ready? 4:45 PM
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